Shakedown
by Scottea
Summary: So many things can be learned or at least re-evaluated from a shake down: the irrelevance of things once thought of importance and the importance of things once thought irrelevant. Kirk and crew realize that a shakedown of the ship is also a shakedown of what makes them individuals as well as the best crew in Starfleet. Thanks to Paramount for the toys to play with.
1. Chapter 1

For some time James Kirk stood still as soon as he had taken three steps from the turbolift. This was his ship, this bridge, his crew. This was his home. He had worked hard and proven that he was the captain of this ship. He was the leader of these people. He had met up with most of his senior bridge crew two days before when they had first been allowed back aboard her and saw the changes. They were now getting ready to actually test the changes. Slowly he walked to the new chair that replaced the one he had known so well. As he sat down it started to feel all so familiar and welcoming. Here, in the command seat on the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise was here he belonged.

They had just been at Starbase Ten for a refit after their last encounter and were ready to go out again, out where they belonged. Although this was just a short four day shake-down trip to check the repair and refit his senior bridge crew were all they should be Kirk felt a swelling of pride as he looked around at how every member of the crew was at their station and ready. Their last time on the bridge together had not been pleasant, but they all accepted that such encounters and the results of such encounters were part of the life they had each freely chosen for have. It was clear that they had all forgiven him for his last gross in judgement.

All? No, he had not seen McCoy on the ship but knew he would be busy in Sickbay. Although McCoy had been somewhat furious and off-hand when they had talked in the hospital Kirk knew his old friend would be aboard and down in Sickbay, no doubt complaining about this or that not being exactly how he wanted it.

And Spock, Kirk quickly looked around the bridge again and shook his head. Spock was still not at his post but since the incident they had not had a chance to talk over the events nor what modifications would be given to the ship. Kirk half-smiled to himself as he was certain that Spock, being the perfectionist he was, would be down personally checking the status of all departments in order to give him a full and detailed report of the ship's true status. It was only as he realized that there was a strange, yet familiar, officer at the Science Station where he usually looked for Spock's reassuring nod, that he became aware of the strange uneasiness about the bridge, something he had not experienced while still at a Starbase.

He remembered that he had experienced that uneasiness briefly in the hospital and the doctors and those who had visited him had told him it was most likely because he wanted to get back on his ship and back out pushing the boundaries. He had given his report of the incident and been cleared of all responsibility for the damage to twenty percent of the ship and praised for the way he had trained his crew to be able to take over and bring it to a Starbase for repair. His crew. His crew had visited him and kept him current on the repairs to the ship. His crew, from his senior officers to the youngest ensign, had been in at some time during the seven weeks they were there to see him.

Seven weeks away from his ship. He had been unconscious for six weeks, mainly thanks to McCoy keeping him in a coma while his body healed and his ship was repaired. He still had no full recollection of precisely what happened but Command had found what he reported was sufficient and commented that as he recalled more and more he could inform them. His report was well supported by what was reported by the others. As he looked around some of what happened had come back but it seemed it was to another person and he knew he was missing something, that there was something important he was missing, but the specialists and McCoy had told him not to force it, to let it come back as it did naturally. Suggestions had been made that he should view all the reports before he returned to the ship but he had said he would review them after the shake-down trip as he wanted to concentrate on making sure the Enterprise and the new crew members were ready after the repair and refit. He had seen how Commodore Fields had looked at McCoy who had nodded and been pleased that they seemed to agree on that.

At first he had thought that the uneasiness might be because of something he could not remember but at the back of his mind Kirk was prepared for some sort of surprise party, or at least a big surprise, from the way the crew had been. In the past there had been a similar unease whenever they planned some sort of surprise for him so he was certain that the unease had to do with some sort of surprise they were all keeping from him. He relaxed slightly at the thought of the unease being caused by the crew not wanting him to find out about the surprise.

The more he thought about the likelihood of the unease being a surprise event the more both McCoy and Spock not being there seemed to make sense. While the two of them may seem like warring factions to many he knew that it was just their way of showing a friendship neither would openly admit to. The one thing he was sure of was that the feeling of unease was bound to vanish when both of them came to the bridge.

He got up and slowly walked around the bridge, stopping at every station to ensure they were are he remembered them. There had been no major changes and it was all so familiar. This was his ship.

At the Science Station he stopped and looked at the officer who stood to attention. "Science Officer Keith Williams, Sir."

"You have worked with Mister Spock in the Science Department and know his expectations, correct?"

"Yes, Sir. It was a great honor that he thought so highly of me and noted his thoughts on my record so that the First Officer had no hesitation in assigning me to this posting."

For a moment Kirk looked at the man and thought it odd that he was talking of Spock as though he were two different people. Spock was both the First Officer and the Chief Science Officer so perhaps Williams was right in treating the two positions like that but it seemed odd. It was something that Spock did, allowed junior officers gain hands-on experience in different capacities and in different areas when there was no imminent danger. Clearly he thought Officer Williams was able to man the Science Station in his place while he inspected the other departments as the First Officer.

He half-smiled as he turned to his Communications Officer, "Lieutenant Uhura, please have the First Officer report to me immediately."

It had to have been the way he had asked for the First Officer and not Spock that had made Uhura give him the odd look but if Spock was going to play the two position role he would find his Captain could play it as well. As he turned to his chair he heard Uhura make the ship-wide request but did not see the looks that were exchanged with Sulu and Chekov.

When he heard the turbolift's doors open Kirk started, "I don't suppose, First Officer, that you would care to explain your actions in appointing Officer Keith Williams as Science Officer without," he stopped as a man he had briefly seen on Starbase Ten walked up to stand before him, a man he recalled something being said about him being a First Officer but there were four other ships in and he had thought the man was a First Officer on one of them.

In the momentary stillness he was aware of Uhura's quiet voice and it sounded like M'Benga but he was trying to figure out how far Spock was going to let this charade go. Over time he had played more than enough practical jokes on the Vulcan but he had not been aware that Spock could plan one as intricate as this one.

"First Officer Steven Sanchez reporting as requested, Captain." Obviously the man had misread his expressing of being impressed with how far Spock would let this play out with one of confusion as the man quickly added, "If you recall Admiral Wayne Rauzi introduced me to you on base. It is a real honor to have this position on this ship. I will try to maintain the high standards that Mister Spock maintained, but I,"

Kirk almost laughed and shook his head as I held up his hand, "I know what you are going to say, that you are only human. Spock sure has taught you and Williams well and rehearsed it so thoroughly it seems almost real. You are both,"

"No disrespect, Sir, but we are both who and what we say we are. Neither of us has been able to see Mister Spock. Our orders came directly from Admiral Davis, Sir. As soon as he heard about the incident he contacted me to get here so that I could assist with the refit and prepare to be the First Officer."

Jim Kirk just stood looking at the man as he realized he was not part of some joke. He stood trying to think what he last said to Spock but it was lost in that vague blank he had stemming from the, the, the what? He had been told there had been a series of explosions but he had no memory of any of that. As he stood looking at the man Kirk realized he could not even remember when he had last seen Spock. McCoy had been with him when he came out from the medicated state he had kept him in for six weeks and told him he was going to be just fine, that he was keeping him in for a day or two and then he could go back to the ship. McCoy had not said anything about Spock.

Slowly he sat down, suddenly feeling more lost than he could remember. There were too many things he did not know, so many things he could not remember, so many things he had not been told, and neither McCoy nor Spock were there to help him.

"Captain, I need you to come with me." Kirk looked up and recognized Doctor M'Benga. "Now, Captain."

Almost without thinking Kirk followed him, barely noticing, again, the looks exchanged among Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov. and not seeing how First Officer Steven Sanchez took the command seat. All he was doing was trying to remember, trying to fit the fragments he could remember together.

They entered Sickbay and M'Benga had him sit at the desk as he flicked a switch and on the screen was McCoy.

"Bones, what's going on? You should be aboard already. I do not know where Spock is but when I find him,"


	2. Chapter 2

"Jim, you have to be calm. You have to sit still, be quiet, and just listen. I'm going to make this short. We will have a long talk when you get back in four days. **I am not returning to the Enterprise** , not just yet. Now before you say a word I will say what I have been saying to you: your memory will return, it will return much faster if you review the reports and records of the events. Start eight standard weeks ago. Review the reports and records while you are on the shakedown trip, talk with the others, and **we will have a long talk when you get back**. Do not try to force yourself to remember the events, they will come back. **You and I will have as long talk** when you get back. I'll do what I can here. Take care. McCoy out."

Kirk just sat for a moment staring at the blank screen. It was not like McCoy to be so short. Obviously he was busy with something and wanted to let him know that he was staying at Starbase Ten while they did the shakedown. He had to think. Eight weeks ago. Just before. . . . Before what? There was that fog, that blank in his memory that was annoying him. Momentarily he closed his eyes, put his elbows on the table, then placed his head in his hands. He had to think. He had to clear the blankness. He had to remember. Perhaps McCoy was right, perhaps he should review the reports and records. For the past week McCoy had been afer him to do so.

"Captain to the bridge." He heard it but sat with his head bent an eyes shut. The more he thought the more questions he seemed to come up with. What was Bones not telling him? Why was he not returning to the ship just yet? Where was Spock? What was so important about the reports that he,

"Captain Kirk to the bridge."

A hand touched his shoulder, "Captain?" He looked up at M'Benga and nodded. Training took over. He had a ship to command. It was only for four days. He would get his answers then from Bones and Spock. As he stepped onto the bridge and saw Sanchez stand and move from the chair as he suddenly stopped. Nobody else had mentioned Spock. Even Bones had not said his name. This time, as he sat, he was aware of the look he was getting from Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov, a look that was a blend of sympathy, understanding, and support. He felt the uneasiness build only this time he knew it was in himself. This time he knew whatever was causing that unease was to do with that time he could not yet remember.

"Captain?" he heard the question in the tone and looked at Sanchez and nodded.

"Let's, let's do this. Mister Sulu, take her out." He was aware how his crew responded as usual and how almost normal things seemed. Almost normal. It was that annoying unease and that gap in his memory that stopped things being normal. It was not having Spock and Bones there beside him that was not normal. And it was how nobody had mentioned Spock that was far from normal.

As soon as they were in open space and had done the necessary basic testing of basic and emergency maneuvers Kirk had left the bridge and gone to his quarters, he knew Sulu and the others would do other minor testing and then set to work correcting what they could and noting what they would need repaired on their return. He sat at his desk and looked at the computer. Bones had said for him to review the reports and records of eight weeks ago. Bones had told him to review them and to talk with the others. A part of him accepted the most likely possibility for Spock's absence was he had remained back at Starbase Ten to do some further research for yet another project but it seemed odd. He could think of no reason for both Spock and McCoy to be at Starbase Ten unless it was something they were working on together. He relaxed slightly the more he thought about the two of them working on a project. He had seen it before, the way Spock would almost go into a state of hibernation just to concentrate on a project with McCoy and McCoy would be there to ensure he did not make the end result too complex for "mere Humans" to understand and apply. No, that was it: the two of them were working on a project together, something that Command obviously wanted them for, maybe something to do with what he could not remember. Kirk settled back into his chair and nodded to himself. That was it! That was why Bones had been so insistent he review the reports and talk with the other.

Relaxed and curious Kirk entered the details into his computer and started with Chekov's report. There was nothing in it that he was not really aware of. He had been told there had been a series of explosions in the ship that had caused some major interior damage but that had left the ship's structural integrity intact. He had been told that Spock had immediately notified Command of the situation stating they would be notified of the full situation later. Chekov's report was basically just about an explosion on the bridge that had knocked him out and how lucky they had been that Spock had managed to get them all out.

Sulu's report was more detailed and mentioned more than one explosion and not just on the bridge. He had stated it was as though small explosions had been set throughout the ship. At first he had thought that there had only been one explosion on the bridge coming from behind him but as he was falling he was aware of a second explosion with a physical result. He had been badly stunned but remembered seeing Chekov unconscious and Uhura also badly stunned on the floor. He mentioned that he suspected the explosion had come from behind him and knew the Captain had started to sit down but then had started to leave the bridge for some reason just as the explosion occurred. There had been the sound of a third explosion but he had not been aware of anything physical being projected about only a strange odor before he was aware of Spock getting them out.

Uhura's report was very like Chekov's as she was badly stunned by the initial blast. She vaguely remembered the explosion and dimly remembered Spock helping her off the bridge.

For a moment he paused to get himself a cup of coffee. Explosive devices on the bridge? Who would have put them there? He knew that only the crew had been on the bridge.


	3. Chapter 3

Yes, that was one thing he was certain about, only the crew, **his crew** , had been on the bridge. Before he reviewed the reports from Scotty and Bones he wanted to see if anything in his report would say who had been on the bridge. It was ship's policy that everybody who came onto the bridge be noted if not due to be on shift at the time.

"I saw Captain Kupe and First Officer Bennet beamed off the ship and back to the Totara then returned to the bridge where Mister Spock returned the chair to me. I was about to sit but decided to stand and watch the Totara sail away and thought of how different it was from what was my training ship. I was standing watching it and Mister Spock was starting for the turbolift when there was an explosion. I regained consciousness six weeks later as Doctor McCoy wanted to keep me in that state so my body could fully heal. He then kept me off the ship full time for another week while the finishing work on the rebuild and refit is being done."

How could he have forgotten having a two day visit with the Captain and First Officer of the Totara, Starfleet's latest training ship? It had been a welcome chance to just relax and he had enjoyed spending time with First Officer Kim Bennet as she not only very attractive but also had several similar interests. Spock had spent time with the Captain Glen Kupe who was a very serious and very intelligent man. He had shown them the entire ship, including the bridge and while the First Officer would now and then touch something the Captain had his hands behind his back, much the same way as Spock so often did.

It seemed odd that he had forgotten that but it was the expected routine when other Starfleet vessels are encountered.

He looked at the report form the first investigative crew on the ship thinking he may have missed something that would indicate who could have done this to his ship. It mentioned the three strategically placed bombs on the bridge as well as a gas bomb and the same down in Engineering that would have caused serious damage that would have totally disabled the ship and left little more that life-support operational had Mister Spock not been able to disable the two he had successfully disabled.

That was it, that's what he was missing. He had not seen a report by Spock. For a moment he half-smiled, he had not really looked as he knew how very detailed it would be so he had decided to wait till he remembered more. He nodded, Spock's could wait. There was still the ones of Scotty and Bones to read. Surely one of them would have the answer.

Scootty's report just stated that Spock had rushed in with red blood all over him ordering him to evacuate the department and to take over auxiliary control as the ship and come under internal attack and the bridge had been a target. As Scotty was getting his crew out Spock had gone to the com site and sent a message to Captain Kupe of the Totara asking him to have Officer Bennet placed under watch and to only tell her of explosions on the bridge of the Enterprise. Spock had reminded him of the order to take command from auxiliary before Spock had secured from the inside. Only after he had made contact with Starfleet about the situation and had the Enterprise on route to Starbase Ten did he return to Engineering. When he got the odor open there was clear evidence of an explosion and he had helped Mister Spock to Sickbay.

Sickbay? Nobody had mentioned Spock going to Sickbay.

McCoy's report indicated that he knew nothing about the bombs until "Mister Spock came rushing into Sickbay carrying Captain Kirk and left saying there had been bombs on the bridge and he was to ensure Engineering was safe and I was to order all crew to their quarters. Captain Kirk suffered substantial damage as is found with blast injuries. In order to insure that his skeletal system retains its integrity with his sensory and nerve system it was deemed necessary to keep the Captain comatose for a minimum of six weeks and then on restricted light duties for a week. I had only just finished working on the Captain when Mister Scott came in carrying Mister Spock. I have him on full life support and have requested that a Vulcan healer be made available as soon as possible as I am not sure about many of the readings I have taken. Prognosis unknown.

 **Damn them**. They would all have known he would want to know what had happened to Spock. He turned off his computer all could feel his anger build as he walked to Sickbay. As he strode along he remembered the closed door to the intensive care room. He had seen a Vulcan go into that room but had put it down to a drug induced hallucination. McCoy better have a damned good reason. Hell, they better all have **a damned good reason** for not telling him.

As Kirk charged into Sickbay he was good and riled but halted in his tracks by two security officers who grabbed him as he came through the door.

"Wondered when you would turn up." McCoy came out of his office and just looked at him for a minute then at the two men. "He'll be okay, just wait by the other door. No way is he to get in there. The healer will leave shortly."

When the men released him McCoy indicated his office with a nod of his head and Kirk walked in and sat down, barely controlling his fury.

"Now before you get going, Captain, I want you to listen to something that will explain why you were not told before. I know I overstepped the line by not only having and keeping this but also for having it deleted from the recording of events on the bridge."

Kirk heard his voice and the anger and venom in it shocked him, "First Officer Spock, you should remember that **I am the Captain** of this ship and if **I decide** to show an officer of another sip around my ship I will as it is my right to do so **without asking an underling** for permission. If First Officer Bennet wants to sit in the chair I see no harm as one day she might be a Captain, some First Officers are **not afraid to seek Captaincy**. Unlike you she has the makings of an exceptional Captain as she knows what **lines First Officers do not cross**."

It was his voice but he could not really remember saying them. They were words he would never say to Spock, not like that, not with so much fury and malice. He bowed his head and closed his eyes knowing the McCoy was studying his reactions. "Clearly from your earlier comments about it being unwise to let her walk around the ship as she likes reflects the fact **you do not trust my judgement** and authority and I will have no dealings with any officer who not only acts in that way but also who openly questions my decisions. If you do not trust my decisions **how I can I trust you?** I was told **I should not a half-breed** and I should have listened. From now on you are to stick strictly to those matters of concern to the ship, the mission, do the duties accorded to just your rank and designations, and **you are to stay the hell out of my private life**."

For a moment there was silence then McCoy, having seen how hearing what he had just heard had clearly shaken his Captain and friend nodded, "You okay, Jim?"

Kirk looked at his friend and saw understanding and sympathy about the blue eyes that were clearly studying him, "How, Bones? How could I have said that to him?"

"Later for the why but it looks like you got what you wanted, looks like he will be staying the hell out of you life and, unfortunately the lives of the rest of us. **If** he makes it through the physical damage, which the Vulcan healer is not sure he will, there is not telling if he will make it through the mental trauma and if he does what he will be like. The healer is not sure as to how much damage has been done, he is in there now doing a penultimate assessment. All his readings are way off what they should be. If he had stopped when he brought you in here there most likely would have been no major damage but if he had not done what he did," McCoy closed his eyes and shook his head. "When Scotty found him the room he said there was a strange smell and that it was clear that Spock had defused two bombs and realized he could not defuse the last one so used some padding and his own body to lessen the damage.

"I just can't get anywhere with those damned Vulcan factors and the Vulcan healer is stymied by the Human factors. We both agree that there really is nothing more we can really do but wait."

"Bone, I've got," Kirk looked toward the door to the Intensive Care Unit and saw a Security Officer standing by the door.

"What you've got, Captain, is a new First Officer," Kirk back at McCoy, "Yes, I know about it as I had to report on Spock's medical condition and when Command asked when he would be fit to return to duty I had to state that it would be best to consider having a Science Officer and First Officer in mind."

" **Bones** , you,"

"I had to think of what was best for my patient and the ship and that seemed to be the best thing to do. I will make a decision in a week, after the last examination by the Vulcan healer and I see how he reacts to some sheer old-fashioned desperation by me." McCoy sighed and shook his head as he looked directly at him, "You sue did it this time, Jim. Now he really has nothing to come back for, does he?"

"What, what do you mean?"

"The last thing he heard from you was to stay the hell out of his life and the way you said it was full of emotion. You most likely did not see how much those words hurt him but the bridge crew did."

"Bridge? Did I," Kirk had no recollection of saying the words and was sickened by what he had said, but to know he had said it on the bridge, that he had lashed out like that at Spock in front of the crew. Those people were like a family.

" **We** were aware you were infatuated by Officer Bennet but for you to react like that, to treat Spock like that, was a purely emotional outburst. We saw how each word seemed to rock Spock. All he had done was not understand that you were so infatuated by her that you let her do things you would not allow other visitors to do and had pointed it out to you as is part of his role as First Officer. I cannot speak for the others but when he walked off the bridge I was close to following him. I took one step and he shook his head at me and left. Sort of ironic as I thought that he seemed to be a broken man not knowing that the next time I saw him he would be physically broken."

"Who,"

"It was just the six of us who saw your outburst and what it did to Spock. This time he will be sure he has nothing to come back to. This time he will believe that you no longer trust him, you no longer want him in your life. You calling him a half-breed really shocked all of us and seemed to all but shatter him."

"How, Bones, how could I,"

"She was young, good looking, and stroking your ego, Jim. She also," for a moment McCoy was silent as he clearly mentally debated telling him something.

"She also what?"

"Jim did she get you your coffee?"

"Yes, what," Kirk stopped as he remembered her insisting on getting him some coffee that last night, how she had made sure he always had a cup of coffee whenever he wanted one. "Drugged?"

"Enough to knock out a Horta for a few hours. She knew a great deal about pharmacology, those two gas bombs she made released some very strong psychedelic and psychotropic drugs that have clearly effected Spock's mind. Scotty said there was a strong strange smell in Engineering when he went it and Spock had been breathing it for at least fifteen minutes. Add their effect with what you said and I would not blame him if he stopped holding on."

"Can, can I just see him, even from the door?"

"The Vulcan healer is in with him and will be for at least another hour."

"An hour?" Kirk's mind was going through a list of what he had to do in that time, all of which he quickly ignored as he realized there was one thing he had to do. "Tell Scotty he has command till I get back in an hour."

"Jim, **what are you going to do**?"

"I'll let you know when I get back."

"Just don't do anything stupid."

"You know me, Bones."

"My point exactly."

Kirk beamed down to Starbase Ten and went to the Security Building and went into a room and waited for three minutes before Captain Kupe walked in and said, "She has only been told that she is being held in suspicion of being a part of a plot to destroy the Enterprise as there had been three major explosions on the Bridge and Engineering sections of the Enterprise. She does not know of the extent of the damage nor of any injuries. I am sorry to hear about what happened the Mister Spock."

Officer Bennet was brought in and there was a look of total shock on her fac when she saw him, "You should be dead. You and your ship should be dead." There was a momentary look of total shock on her face, then she nodded, "I, I was told there had been explosions on the bridge of your ship as well as in Engineering but not a word about deaths of injuries."

"Why?"

She looked at him with a smile he did not quite understand, "As your First Officer would say, please specify. Why is such an open ended question."

"Why did you attack my ship?"


	4. Chapter 4

This time she laughed, " **You really do not remember me, do you?** What they said was true but I did not believe it for a long time and when I finally did I swore you would pay and you have. They all laughed at me then **but I sure got the last laugh**."

Kirk studied her and could not remember her, "Where and when did we meet?"

"Just before you took command of the Enterprise you were an instructor at the Academy and we had two weeks together. Oh, I knew of your reputation but after the fifth day **I was so sure** you meant it when you said **I was special** , that I was different. I was sure that I was the one who could catch you. Then I thought we had something special, I thought we had a future working on the same ship as I had my name down for the Enterprise but two days before you left I was assigned to the Totara."

Dimly Kirk remembered awaiting command of the Enterprise at the Academy and spending time with some women. Gary Mitchell and Bones used to tease him about being a womanizer. Bones had even laughed and said it was just was well he was going off on a starship for five years as he would have to behave then.

She shook her head and closed her eyes. " **You could have taken me** , you were allowed to select the new crew rotation you wanted and **you did not take me**. When I asked you why you said that **all that mattered was the chair** and all that went with it. You said you had to totally **dedicate yourself to your position and your crew**."

There was a moment of silence then she stood tall and looked at him and smiled, "Having known you back then **I knew just what to do** , **I knew just how to get you to turn against that Vulcan**. I knew turning you against him would make your crew lose their respect for you as he actually was more respected than you, getting you to call him a half-breed was all I needed you to do as he was more of a figurehead of calm to them, and they trusted him more because of his calm logic. I knew **turning you against him** would be turning you against something you just used the way you used me, something you needed to make you even a greater Captain than you already were. I knew that being a Vulcan **he would feel nothing** about you calling him a half-breed but it would make the crew lose their respect for you. You made it so easy to slowly give you the drugs I needed to get that reaction, to get you to call him that.

"I doubt if you would remember this but I was the top of my group in making explosives, it was so easy to place the bombs where they would do all the damage I wanted them to. You made it clear to your crew that I could walk about the ship freely and once you were asleep I set about placing them. I did pass that Vulcan but I do not think he suspected anything as Vulcans do not understand the human mind. Knowing that that chair and that crew meant so much to you I knew what to do and was sure that I would get away with it. I knew if the Vulcan survived that he would try to go to Engineering to try to save the ship and that if he got there the **drugs would permanently disable him**."

"You, you never said you were dissatisfied with your position on the Totara." Captain Kupe had sat so still while she had spoken that his calm voice seemed to stun her for a moment.

She looked at her Captain, "I was sure, when I heard where we were going, that we would encounter the Enterprise. I have been more than content with my position but I will admit that my sole reason for staying in Starfleet was to do what I have done." she turned and looked at Kirk and he saw satisfaction on her face, "I had wanted you dead as well but you being alive is even better as now I really have got you back for how you hurt me, how you humiliated me, how you treated me like nothing when you got that chair and that crew. They have not told me so I will ask you, how many of your close crew did I kill? Did the drug bombs work? Did the drugs ruin that Vulcan's mind and therefore his use to you? And did I leave you disabled out there needing help? I did leave your communications system intact."

"Captain Kupe, I want to thank your for you assistance. I will make a statement later for her hearing. I need to return to the Enterprise."

"You didn't answer me, **Captain Kirk**! The least you can do is tell me if **I ruined your First Officer's mind**. At least give me that satisfaction."

For a moment he paused at the door and looked at her then turned away as he said, "You will find out at your hearing, Officer Bennet."

Kirk walked slowly to the transport center, wanting to get back to the Enterprise and yet wondering how he could face his crew again, how his crew would respond to him. The crew would no doubt have heard of what Spock had done, how Spock had saved them and the ship, and he only hoped that they did not know about his tirade on the bridge. He would have to apologize to the bridge crew for that.

Spock. The thought of what he had done, what he had said to the best friend he had ever had, made him stop. Shortly after Captain Kupe and Officer Bennet had beamed aboard Spock had told him to control his hormones ad he had ignored the warning. Even knowing that he had been drugged, primed, to react as he had did not excuse what he had done. There had been a few times on missions when he had had to react negatively towards Spock to protect the mission but what he had done on the bridge was unforgivable. He should have been stronger. If Spock never recovered it would be his fault. If Spock recovered how could he explain to him why he said what he said and would Spock fully understand how sorry he was? How could he .

When he walked into Sickbay McCoy was there waiting for him and the Vulcan healer. "How did it go?"

"Spock was right. Officer Bennet did it all to get back at me for just having an affair with her and her thinking it meant more than that to me. Spock told me not to trust her, he must have sensed something about her."

"What's that old saying about Heaven having no rage like love to hatred turned, nor has Hell a fury like a woman scorned? Truer than you thought?"

"Thing is **I cannot even remember her** , Bones. Well, not exactly. I knew I had had female company during that time but I was mentally preparing to take command, familiarizing myself with the layout of the ship, reading the files on the crew, reviewing the ship's history, and never really concentrated on the company side. I was so aware that there were older and much more experienced officers who they could have selected and I knew they would be waiting for me to fail and there was no way I was going to let that happen. I guess she has plotted this for a long time." For a moment Kirk closed his eyes and shook his head, "She had it all so well planned and **I never saw it coming**."

"You think she targeted Spock or was she after the whole bridge crew? "

"She targeted him, she asked if the drugs had ruined the Vulcan's mind. She also wanted to kill some of the crew as well as me but seemed pleased that I was alive to live with the guilt."

"You you cannot have any guilt about this, Jim. None of this was our fault."

"None? How can you say that, Bones? I let everybody down. I let myself get involved again with a female visitor. I ignored Spock's warning. I forgot all about her. I let her wander about the ship. I enabled her to do that to Spock."

" **Dammit, Jim! You were drugged**. It is not your fault. None of it is your fault."

"I am the Captain of this ship, Bones. Upon taking the rank and role of Captain of this ship I swore to put the safety of the crew and protection of the ship above my own. There were no exceptions, no exemptions when I took that oath. A captain's duty is to his crew and ship and I failed in my duty to protect them. A Captain should listen to his First Officer and I ignored it. I heard what Spock said and I totally ignored it and then, then I called him," again Kirk heard his voice saying half-breed, calling Spock a half-breed.

There was a few minutes of strained silence and then Kirk became aware of the Vulcan healer walking into the room. He was a much older man, for a Vulcan he looked as old as Spock's father.

There was a brief nod when the man looked at him. "You are the one he calls _Jim_. You are the one he is most troubled by as he is both drawn to and repulsed by. **We must** **talk**."

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A.N. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Med appointments for self and others all this and next week so will be back after the start of next month. To those in the U.S.A. - have a great Thanksgiving Day. Take care and have fun. Enjoy.


	5. Chapter 5

Somehow those three small words said in that way by that man terrified James T. Kirk more than facing a fleet of Klingon cruisers. In that voice Kirk had heard what he was afraid of hearing. Not the words, he was not surprised by them after how he had been, but the tone, the way the words were said and the way the elderly man looked at him. "We must talk." Not "we should talk" but that "must". Important, necessary, and, Kirk braced himself as he thought of so many possibilities, final.

It was obvious that the man had seen into Spock's mind to know that Spock called him Jim and, as he looked at the man, he wondered if he had seen the last thing he had actually said to Spock. Since that outburst they had not spoken, their actions on the Bridge just the motions that were routine and needed no words. No words and only now, as he thought about those two times they had been on the bridge at the same time after the outburst, he realized that Spock had started to retreat behind that Vulcan wall, had started to reestablish that original distance between them, had not actually looked at him.

The healer had been looking at him, studying him, and Kirk saw him nod, "He is drawn to you not out of duty but of what seldom occurs between Humans and Vulcans, what he believed **was** a friendship and is repulsed by you for calling him a **half-breed** the way you did. He is trapped in a world of chaos that I can sense but cannot reach into and he is blocking me from seeing more than recent events. He will only let me access what I must."

"What, what can I do?"

"You can grant him what he asks for."

Kick looked at McCoy and saw that his friend was equally bewildered, "He should know that **all** he has to do is **ask.** "

"What he is asking for, Captain Kirk, will have a great impact on both of you but he feels he **must ask for it**. It is not common among Vulcans but it helps in cases such as this where one is so trapped in their own mind that they cannot function."

" **Whatever he wants** , if it will help him, I **will** ," Kirk started but the healer raised his hand.

"Captain Kirk, he asked for severance and shelter."

Through Kirk's numbness all that echoed were the words severance and shelter, "What does he mean by that? What do you mean by severance?"

"As you are Human I will try to explain it in a way you will understand. He requires your permission to have me perform a severance. He has asked for a severance from your mind, a removal from your mind of all things about him except that he was an officer on your ship and a severance from his mind of **all things about you** except that he was an officer under your command. It is his belief that **it is best for you both**. Even in his confusion he still has concern for your ongoing. He will, of course, be given shelter in a facility on Vulcan for the rest of this life where he can study or meditate and where only his blood family will be able to visit him once a year."

" **No** **!** " Kirk shook his head and looked at the healer as though not believing what he had just heard, " **No** , he would not want that."

"Jim, you did not see how what you said to him."

"Dammit, Bones, **I know him**. I know what he would want."

" **You know what you want** but after how you were with him, with what you said to him, **what do you think he would want?** You heard that he is trapped in a world between believing you shared a friendship and being repulsed by you because of that outburst. Apart from that **think** just of how difficult he must have, over the years, found some of your other antics, think of how he must constantly be mystified by your actions and statements when they were contradictory. What you did might just have pushed him too far."

"Bones, I don't even remember doing it. You said I had been drugged."

"You and I know that but all he knows is that he asked you about allowing Officer Bennet to assume the command seat and be given the right to walk about the ship, as his right as First Officer, and you verbally attacked him not just as an officer but at a person."

"He knows **I would never attack** ,"

" **He knows you did attack him** like that, Jim. For you to attack him like that was bad enough but **you attacked him** like that **in front of the senior crew** , **in front of his friends**. Now being Human and fully understanding hormones and how attractive Officer Bennet was I could see how easy it was for you to be attracted to her which made it easy for her to drug you. When you had that outburst even **I did not know you had been drugged** and, being a doctor, **I should have noticed** but you had none of the usual symptoms or signs. I was, hell, the whole of the bridge crew was, stunned and totally shocked by your outburst and believed you meant it. What reason would Spock have not to believe you? There was such contempt and loathing on your face, your voice was venomous and vicious, and your words cut into him. We all saw it but were too stunned to react."

For a moment Kirk closed his eyes as he knew what McCoy was saying was true. He had been weak, let himself get taken in by her. She had used him, turned him against Spock and when Spock had rightfully questioned his actions he had done what she had wanted him to do. She had been the one who had called Spock a half-breed a few times when they were alone, had talked about how half-breeds could not be trusted. When he opened his eyes he saw McCoy was studying him, saw sympathy about his face and those blue eyes, "Bones, I, I have to, I have,"

"Jim, you have to accept that perhaps this time it **just too much for him** to deal with anymore. Perhaps a severance,"

" **DoON'T!** Don't say it, Bones. **Don't you dare say** that a severance is what **he wants**."

"I was not going to say **he** **wants** one, Jim. I was going to say **he might need one**. Now," Kirk saw McCoy look at the healer, "I apologize, sir, but I do not understand all the Vulcan side of Spock but I do know that the Captain and Spock do seem to have some sort of mental connection and," McCoy looked back at him and Kirk saw the pain his friend was in, "I hate having to say it but, Jim, perhaps a severance is the only thing to save his sanity."

"I, his parents would,"

"I have spoken with Ambassador Sarek and Lady Amanda and they have instructed me to inform you that **the decision would be yours,** Captain Kirk They both agreed that they knew Spock as a child but you know his mind better and **you know the man** he became."

" **Is**. I know who he **is**."

"So," McCoy looked from Kirk to the healer and for that briefest of moments Kirk saw hope in the blue eyes, "there is absolutely nothing but the continued state he is in or a severance? Absolutely no other possibility?"

For a few minutes the healer looked at McCoy and Kirk found himself thinking of how Spock would have told McCoy he was being tedious with his repetition of the word absolutely, possibly even pointing how of often there are few absol... He suddenly looked at McCoy, his friend was being Spock, was looking for the remotest of possibilities no matter how illogical.

The healer looked at both of them for a long time then said, "It has been recorded that a very few with large blood families were healed by the true thoughts of those closely related by blood but Spock was an only son and records attest to there being no change with small families."

"Then, then," Kirk took a deep breath but it did not still his growing fear and he found he could not think about anything but there being no blood family to help Spock and knowing he had caused this.

" **I understand this must be difficult for you** , Captain Kirk. I did ask Ambassador Sarek about the family just to confirm that there was no close family. Perhaps while you decide you should discuss it with your senior crew as they may, being Human, otherwise wonder why you speak differently about him after the severance. They also might like **a few last moments with him** "

* * *

A/N Thanks for reading and reviewing this. More to come in about a week - wet and mild spring means weeds are threatening to take possession for the yard. Take care and HAVE FUN!


	6. Chapter 6

_After the severance. Might like to have a few last moments with him, last moments with him, last moments with him_. Dimly Kirk heard McCoy contact the Bridge and tell Uhura to get Sulu, Chekov and Scotty and to come down to Sickbay as things looked bad.

No sooner had he done that than there was an unfamiliar voice, "Bridge to Captain Kirk."

Out of habit and routine Kirk reached out and flicked the switch, "Kirk here."

"This is First Officer Steven Sanchez advising you that three key personnel just left the bridge without my authorization."

First Officer? **His First Officer** was in the other room in a Vulcan version of hell. Kirk stopped himself as in the depths of his mind he heard a beloved baritone saying, _"You are the Captain of the Enterprise, Jim. Your duty is to the ship and her crew. Do your duty."_ "Officer Sanchez, did they leave their stations unattended?"

"No, Sir, but they all just left."

"Did you not hear Doctor McCoy asking them to report to Sickbay?"

"Yes, but."

"As they did not leave their stations unattended and they had been summoned by the senior medical officer of this ship there is no problem. Kirk out."

The four almost bolted into McCoy's office and Kirk and McCoy saw the concern on their faces. "He is still alive but the healer and I agree he is in great pain, mental pain."

There was no mistaking the way the four of them suddenly looked at him and Kirk knew they were rightly blaming him. He wondered how they would react towards him after. No, he would deal with that later.

"Is there nay a thing we do for the lad?"

"No, Scotty, we can do nothing but the healer can ease Spock's suffering and then take him to a Vulcan sanctuary where he will be cared for in seclusion."

"How will he do that? If he eases Mister Spock's suffering why would he need to be on Wulcan?"

"He will, once the Captain agrees, perform what is called a severance which will remove from Spock's brain all memory of the Captain being anything but an officer he served under and the Captain will remember him only as an officer of this ship."

Kirk was aware of them looking at him but all he could think of was what he had done to his friend and how it was clear he had shattered what they had had. He heard again the five quick words Spock had half-whispered to him when they had beamed the two aboard and seen Officer Bennet, _"Jim, do not get involved."_ Had Spock seen something he had missed or had the Vulcan known him so long that he knew how such an attractive woman was likely to be a major distraction?

"Would he remember the rest of us?"

"I'm not sure, Sulu." McCoy had looked at the healer, "Sir?"

"It is likely he would remember you as it would only be Captain Kirk who would have the severance. He did state that his other friends would understand."

"Captain," there was something in the tone of Uhura's voice that made Kirk look at her and he saw the doubt, the anger, and the accusation, "because of what you said to him on the bridge. You did you do this to him?"

"I'd been drugged." it sounded pathetic even to himself.

"Twas the doing of that lass, I'd bet. When she came into Engineering with ye she had a look about her that was wrong. Ye was like a lovestruck schoolboy beside her."

"So there is nothing that can be done for him, even on Wulcan?"

"No, Chekov. The healer will do the severance and take Spock back to Vulcan. He will be looked after there."

"Isn't there anything that can be done?"

McCoy saw that it all being retold had really upset his Captain and friend but also knew these people, of all the crew, had a right to know. "There are records showing that a few patients who suffered what Spock is suffering recovered after some sort of involvement of a large family. Spock was an only child."

"Captain Kirk and I thought you four would like to say your farewells to him while the Captain decides if he will grant Spock the severance he seeks."

"If he," Uhura started then paused for a moment and Kirk saw how she looked from the healer to him and then back to the healer, "If the Captain decides not to what will happen to Spock?"

"Then Spock will come with me to Vulcan to a special facility where he will remain in mental turmoil for the rest of his life."

"Isn't that his family's decision? Surely his,"

"No, wait." Kirk looked up at Uhura. "What did you just say Uhura?"

"That I thought it would be his family's decision. If Spock cannot think for himself surely it is his family's decision."

"I have been in contact with his parents and they requested I inform Captain Kirk that they will trust his decision as he most likely knows what Spock would want. Spock has asked for severance and it is up to Captain Kirk to either grant him what he has asked for or not."


	7. Chapter 7

"You, you said **family**." Kirk looked at Uhura for a moment then at the healer, "We, **we seven are a family**. The bridge crew is a close family. The entire crew itself is an extension of that core, of that family." He looked at the healer suddenly feeling hopeful, "Need the family be related by blood?"

"Those who were involved were stated to have been all close blood relatives. There is no record of it being successfully done with strangers."

"Sir, with all respect these are not strangers. Circumstances have made us a family and our feelings for one another keep us a family." Kirk kept looking at the man, "I consider Spock my brother."

"As do I." McCoy looked at the other four and then at Kirk, "I'll kill any and all of you if you ever tell him I said that."

"Gentlemen, there are records of attempts of using non-blood relatives. All of those who attempted it received **severe permanent side-effects** and the patient remained the same."

"Then there is **nothing** ," Kirk knew he could not ask and would not expect the others to risk what he would.

Chekov seemed shaken, "How, how bad were the side-effects?"

"The effects were severe enough, in Vulcans, to make them unable to work at the jobs they had before but they did find menial work that satisfied them."

Sulu shook his head, "But that would have been a full meld, right?"

"No, what is done is just a light touching to show the patient the true thoughts of the others about them."

"The," Uhura looked at the healer, "could the patients have become annoyed at the others and done that to them?"

"That would be a hostile act and something unworthy of a Vulcan. I can understand why you asked it as it would be a Human reaction."

"Then you will have to take him to that special facility," McCoy sounded tired and deeply depressed. "I'll get the forms,"

" **I won't sign them! I won't approve them!** " Kirk looked from McCoy to the healer, " **There must be another way!**"

"Captain Kirk, I can appreciate your emotions but there were over two hundred and eighty-seven reported cases where attempts were made with non-blood related family and in each case the results were the same. The patient suffered greater confusion and those who attempted the healing were left only able to do menial even though they had held positions requiring great mental and physical powers. I am sorry but committal to the facility I have told Doctor McCoy about is the best for him. **If** you do think of him as **your brother** you will grant him what he asked for, you will **grant him the severance**."

Captain James T. Kirk knew the healer was correct, that what Doctor McCoy had said was the best for his First Officer, and that he had to sign the forms. Jim Kirk looked at the others around him and knew that they were all friends of Spock's but to expect them to risk permanent mental damage.

As Kirk looked at his Chief Engineer he saw how the man was looking directly at the healer, "I can nae speak for the others, Sir, but I could nae live with meself if I did nae try at least to help me friend. He'd nae like to live as ye say he will."

"Do you understand that such an action could permanently mentally damage you and any other who may also offer?"

"Aye, but ye see, Sir, **I know** the lad would do the same for me and nae think about it."

"You're right, Scotty," Uhura moved to stand by him, "Mister Spock would not hesitate."

"He would say," Sulu walked over to be by Uhura, "it is he only logical thing to do and I agree."

Slowly Chekov stood and joined the others, "He is my Wulcan brother and if I can help him I will."

McCoy nodded as he joined them, "He has risked his life and sanity many times for me, it is time for me to do it for him."

Kirk looked at his friends then, as he walked to join them, looked at the healer, "As I said, we are a family. Just tell us what to do."

The healer nodded and slowly looked at them all one by one, "You have shown you are his family **but** you must know what is involved. You are all doing this willingly but you must know that you must be willing for him to see into your mind, **you must freely allow him to see the truth of your feelings about and towards him**. It is a deeply personal thing. Each session will be just a short contact. There is no need for oral communications as you will talk mind to mind. He will see what you truly think of him and if you have any telepathic ability and he allows you will see what he truly thinks of you. You will both see each other as the other sees you as a being and as a fellow officer. I will merely be a conduit and will have no awareness of what is being shared. I will only be able to assess how he is **after** each session unless he becomes greatly distressed. After all of you have shown him your thoughts you will join hands and collectively show him your thoughts about him as a unit. He will then have to decide if he wishes to fight back to this life, this world. You should take some time the think of,"

"Excuse me, Sir, but I will go first to reassure the lad we are all here.'"

"You are certain? He will see,"

"With all due respect, Sir, the lad has seen me at me worst and at me best. **He has seen me in near every condition a man can be in and he nae left my side**. Of all here he best would know who I am and what I am. He would do it for me and I'll nae fail to do the same for him. There is no part of me mind he cannot look into. Now he and I may be of a different kin but tis as the Captain said, Mister Spock is my brother as well."

"Very well."

As they watched Scotty walk away with the healer Kirk wondered if the others would somehow forgive him as he realized that since his outburst it had been only McCoy who had actually spoken with him. The others had been on the bridge since then but it had been as though he was a stranger, a different man, and, in a way he was. He did not know that man who had used that language at his friend, that man who had been so cold and cruel to perhaps the only other living being who really knew him, who had always understood and accepted him as he was, faults and all. He saw how the others still looked at him with subtle repugnance.

In the Intensive Care room Mister Scott was aware of the healer looking at him but all he saw was how pained Spock appeared. The healer had not been lying when he said Spock was in mental turmoil, the Chief Engineer could not recall ever seeing the Vulcan's face reflect so much pain.

"You will place your hand on my hand so only your fingertips touch his face in the contact points. You must mentally announce your presence and await if he will allow you to touch his mind. Your conversation will be in silence though the link I provide. You will not be harmed in any way and he will only be able to access the feelings and memories you allow."

"Can I take his pain?"

"Only if he allows. You must know it is extreme pain. It is emotional pain that is slowly manifesting itself into physical pain."

"Tis pain of the emotions the lad will find most painful and I will take that for the laddie any day."

"If he allows I will transfer his emotional pain. He truly is your brother if you would take such pain."

Carefully, yet unhesitatingly, Scotty placed his fingers where he had been told and waited for a moment before he started, "Mister Spock, it's Montgomery Scott, may I have a word with ye?"

There was a silence then, "Mister Scott. The ship?"

"Aye and the ship tis just fine. I'll be needing your help with the re-calibration of the,"

"You are more than capable of doing your work, you are a miracle worker and,"

"I am only as good as ye have made me and I need your help to do better."

"You have a question for me I cannot discern."

"Aye, you'll nae like it but will ye allow me to take your emotional pain away?"

There was a momentary stillness and the Scotsman was sure he had upset his friend, "I knew twas what the Captain said but he had been drugged and he is a very hormonal Human male. He sees such a fancy wee lassie like that First Officer was and he nae knows how to behave. Ye have to know he nae meant what he said and if we have forgotten what he is really like ye must know that to call you a half-breed would show he has no breeding to talk about."

Even through the frail link Scotty felt the flash of mirth revealing the sense of humor he knew the Vulcan had, and then heard, "I appreciate your offer, but."

"Nae, ye'll nae being doing that, Spock."

"Doing what, exactly?"

"Give a yes and then a'saying but as that but means forget what I just said and I'll nae forget you said yes. I can take it, Sir, as it is an emotional pain, am I right?"

There was a stillness for a long time then a resigned, "You pretend not to be a linguist and not to have great insight, Mister Scott, but your words and actions attest to that being most inaccurate. It would be greatly appreciated if you could take some of the pressure the emotionalism is placing on me."

"Now I did nae say some, Spock, I said your pain and I meant **all** your pain."

"It will be too much for you to,"

"Listen, laddie, I've had a mite more experience in the likes of dealing with human emotions and all their pains than ye have. I'll take it all and deal with it. I am ready to take it all."

Scotty felt a sudden rush of shame, pain, humiliation, uncertainty, betrayal, shock, total disbelief, and a deep feeling of worthlessness spread over him and looked down at Spock, smiling as he saw how his friend did not seem to be in the same amount of pain as he had been in when this started.

"Thank you, Mister Scott, are you,"

"I am fine, laddie. A wee nip or two later will be all I need. I best go as the others all want to come in."

" **All?** "

"Aye, all but he will be the last. He is facing his own devils at the moment."

"Thank you for,"

"Ye can thank me later, laddie, by checking my work and helping me with that blasted re-calibration. Ye just let the healer and us help ye for now. We all miss ye being with us."

The healer eased his hands back and looked at Scotty before placing his own hand lightly on Spock's face and nodding slightly, "There is substantial emotional relief but he still is greatly confused. You have removed the emotional pain but there is still doubt in him mainly regarding his relationship with Captain Kirk and there are the remains of the physical pain caused by the accident as well as his emotions. He still is not allowing me to help him."

For a moment Scotty was quiet as he looked back at his Vulcan friend, "He is nae one who welcomes the help of others but he will this time."

Uhura walked over to Scotty as he walked into McCoy's office, helped him to the chair he had occupied before and got him a cup of coffee. It was clear that whatever had happened had drained the Chief Engineer but he made no mention of taking Spock's pain. As he took the cup of coffee he nodded, what he had shared with his Vulcan friend was just between them. He had, just as he was leaving the Vulcan, remembered what he had not told the Vulcan but he was sure that his friend had known as he would have seen it and accepted it as unsaid between them.

There was a moment when the others looked at one another before Chekov stood and went to where the healer stood waiting. He followed the healer's instructions and hoped the Vulcan did not mind such touching as he knew his friend did not like being touched.

"Sir? It is Pavel Chekov. May I speak with you?"

"Is there some problem, Chekov? Mister Scott informed me the ship was fine."

"The ship is fine but I am not."

"What seems to be the problem? Perhaps you should see Doctor McCoy, he is,"

"Not who can help me. I am watched like a new cadet by the new men on the bridge. You always made me feel important and of use even when I made a minor mistake or was a bit slow."

"That is to be expected. I am sure Captain Kirk will,"

"He has done nothing. Since he was like a Cossack toward you he has done nothing. I found something odd with the scanner and he did nothing. Just sat there. That bulky thing said I had to be wrong. I was not wrong, I know it. You would have checked before saying I was wrong."

"I admit he should have verified your statement if he is your senior officer before telling you that you were incorrect. You say the Captain just sat there and said nothing."

"Yes. All he did was sit there and did nothing."

"Captain Kirk may have been letting him be the First Officer. He is now your senior officer."

" **He will not be my senior officer**. **You are**."

"All things change."

"Not us, Sir. Not us. You are my Wulcan brat. We are family. "

"So I thought as well."

" **We are**. The Keptin is sorry but does not know how to say it. That is as in family, how it is wery hard to sometimes say sorry."

"Yes, perhaps it is. Thank you, Pavel."

The healer walked with Pavel to the door and looked at Sulu as he stood, "As the other two will tell you, there is no meld, just a light touch." and Sulu glanced at Scotty and Chekov and when he saw them nod he felt annoyed at himself that his concern had been so obvious.

"Hello, Mister Spock, it is Hikaru Sulu. I first want to thank you for getting me off the bridge before,"

"No thanks are necessary, Mister Sulu, nor need you be so concerned about this form of contact. When you become a captain of your own ship you will encounter other forms of contact and if you are open to them you will find, as Captain Kirk has, that such forms of communication improves understanding between beings of different species or races."

"It has been largely your doing that has allowed me to progress as I have on the ship, that has enabled me to learn more about various vessels and techniques in flying them. I am looking forward to more lessons from you."

"There are others who can give you lessons,"

"But no others who can challenge me to do better, to question the possible, to see for myself rather that just accepting what I am told. You always told me to ask questions and to question the answers to ensure I understand. Too many do not like being questioned. I need that, I need you. I need you as my teacher, my senior officer, but most importunately I need you as my friend. You did say you would show me how to take a shuttle-craft through that zebra maneuver."

"So I did. Thank you for coming, Hikaru."

As he walked out of the room Sulu felt a wave of uncertainty as he could not remember Spock ever using just his given name before.

Uhura calmly walked into the room and paused as she saw her friend so still, so, as she studied his face, still in some sort of mental conflict.

"Spock, it is,"

"Nyota Uhura, thank you for coming. I trust you have fully recovered."

"Yes. Doctor McCoy says what you did,"

"I did what was necessary to secure the Bridge."

"We both know it was more than that, Spock. Everybody on the Bridge knows why you did what you did even after how the Captain had treated you."

"Following procedures. The Captain would expect,"

"He gave up the right to expect anything when he called you what he did."

"He is the Captain and,"

"Unless you come back and he really apologizes to you in front of us he will not have much of a crew."

"You would not leave him like that."

"After what he did I am not alone in being ready to leave him. He had not right,"

"He is the Captain, he,"

"He will be a Captain unable to have a crew as word travels faster than warp ten, Spock, when things like that happen."

"You must not let it impact on his career."

"We, Spock. Only with your help can we stop the damage. You would be the one to know the best way to stop the damage."

"You have the linguistic skills to,"

"And I also have the emotionalism that could twist the words to only worsen the situation. Apart from that you were teaching me Vulcan. I am a slow learner and need you, my friend, to teach me more."

"You are learning faster than must Humans I have tried to instruct. You have an ear for the correct sound."

"I look forward to my next lesson and will be prepared for you to assess me with a conversation in Vulcan."

"That would be most interesting. Thank you, Nyota."

Once the physical contact was withdrawn Uhura quickly and briefly placed her hand on Spock's forehead and closed her eyes as she said, " _Let'theiri_." and removed her hand hoping that her friend would have inner peace.

Doctor McCoy had been calmly sitting in silence with the others, watching them as they came out and keeping an eye on Jim Kirk. It was obvious that those who had been in with Spock had made contact with him, had talked with him, and wanted to keep what was said private. It was clear that whatever had been said was personal to each of them. He only hoped his friend would come back to them, that somehow they could get through to that Vulcan just how special he was to them.

When the healer looked at him McCoy nodded, he knew what he wanted the Vulcan to know and he wanted to make him understand that Kirk had been drugged and was a puppet for that, that other officer. In all the years he had known Kirk he could not remember ever seeing him so shaken by his own actions, so almost afraid of the future, so lost. If they could find a way through the chaos that the drugs and Jim's outburst had caused in the Vulcan then they might get him back and if they could get him back they would get Kirk back as well. For all his words to Kirk about it not being his fault as he was drugged and infatuated McCoy knew that was not entirely true. He knew of Kirk's will-power and knew that he could have kept his distance from that woman.

As he approached the bed he could tell that Spock did not seem in as great a pain as before and was relieved. There still was pain of some sort but he did seem more relaxed.

"Spock, it is,"

"Leonard Horatio McCoy. I wish to thank you for your care. You have always been a most extraordinary physician. Healer T'Tonan has informed me that you had ensured he was awaiting our arrival at Starase Ten and were reluctant to not be in with me during his examination. He said you were most possessive as well as almost overly protective of me."

"I am honored, Spock, but I am only as good as some patients will let me. You seem to be more relaxed and I hope it is because you know how much all of the crew cares about you and will protect you as you recover."

" **All** of the crew, Doctor?"

"Blasted Vulcan, I did not ask each individual member but many have come to see me to find out how you are and I have resorted to telling only about ten each day and they have circulated your status. "

"They do not know of the Captain's,"

"No, that has been kept mainly to those there at the time. Oh, the crew believe he ordered you to stay out of his romantic affairs but they do not have the details, the words used."

"I would appreciate you thanking those who were there, on my behalf, for not giving a verbatim report of what was said."

"You know one good thing to come from that explosion was the time it took to repair the recording of what had happened on the bridge. Uhura removed a portion of the recording saying it was too scrambled to be understood. She gave it to me."

"Then the Captain is safe. I thank you for,"

"Now you hold it right there. I, and I imagine all of those who have been in to see you, need to thank you for,"

"I have told them no thanks are necessary, I was fulfilling my duties as the,"

"Spock?"

"Yes, Doctor McCoy."

" **Shut up**. We both know the truth."

"Yes, Leonard, we do."

"Jim will come in next. He,"

" **NO!** **Not him**."


	8. Chapter 8

"Spock? **What's wrong**?"

McCoy was not sure if he were more shocked by the terror in Spock's voice or how he opened his eyes and those dark eyes reflected some inner hell, "Need severance from Captain. **Not him, not him**. Need severance from Captain. **Only need severance from Captain**."

McCoy was aware of the healer pulling them away slowly and then he was standing twice his arm's length from the bed just looking at Spock as the Vulcan lay with his eyes now again shut only now shaking and saying, "Not him. Scott knows, understands. Just need severance from him. Need severance. Scott understands. Please, just need severance. Kashkau, wuhkuh eh teretuhr."

McCoy looked at the healer who nodded, "Kashkau, wuhkuh eh teretuhr. It is obvious that his and Captain Kirks minds have been joined in melds many times and having been so often joined as one he has a fear for and of Captain Kirk. He feels that only Mister Scott could understand and that he can only survive if he has severance from Captain Kirk. He clearly has inner conflict with his friend Jim Kirk being the same being as his Captain James Kirk.

"The Captain will never grant that."

"Even if it means a life like that for Spock in a facility he would not have access to?"

"Once he has seen Spock like this, once he understands that unless he agrees with the severance Spock will remain like that, he might grant it but I cannot honestly say he will."

"Perhaps a talk with Mister Scott might be helpful as Spock did say he understood. I sensed a deep relationship there and he was of assistance to Spock."

"A talk with us or with Spock?" McCoy was curious as to how and why Scotty's visit with Spock had been different as there he had noticed a subtle change in the man when he returned to wait with them. "Maybe Scotty can find out why Spock does not want to talk with the Captain, he and Spock could talk to each other on levels neither the Captain nor I could. It just seems almost impossible that anything could so turn Spock against having anything to do with Jim Kirk as they were closer than brothers,"

"That might have been their relationship before Kirk called him a half-breed in front of those officers and all but told him that he was just another officer. That is the point at which Spock will not let me past so that is why he is in such conflict. He is aware of better memories before then but will not allow himself to go there. The drug that he inhaled was a drug that was banned on Vulcan generations ago because of the impact it has on the Vulcan mind and how there is no treatment for the damage it can do apart from what we attempted. We have never been able to isolate just how it seems to block access to any pleasant memory but leaves the patient forever trapped in their mind hearing the last angry words and seeing the face of the speaker yet knowing of better times with the speaker. Clearly, with Spock having stated he does not want familiarity with Kirk, his mind has been damaged to a state where he feels the best thing for himself and Kirk is the severance."

McCoy nodded as he knew the healer was right. They had all seen how something in Spock had changed during Kirk's tirade and most likely before he had had time to realize that Kirk's outburst was due to something else he had been exposed to that drug. That drug that had damaged his mind to such an extent he no longer wanted to remember Kirk as anything but his commanding officer.

"Perhaps we should allow Mister Scott to go and see if he can get Spock to allow communication with Kirk. He did seem to have a good report with Scott." The healer looked at him and before McCoy could say what he was thinking the healer continued, "I believe you are too close in a relationship with Spock to remain in contact with him at this time."

For just a moment McCoy thought of protesting but he knew the man was correct, he also knew he was too emotional at the moment to maintain the distance necessary to help Spock. He knew that Scotty and Spock had a friendship but he knew it was not as complicated nor as deep as the one he had with the Vulcan and his own was nothing compared with what Jim and Spock had, or rather had had.

"I'll, I'll go get him."

When McCoy walked into the other room he was almost immediately aware that for a moment that the five who we re there were all in their own worlds, dealing with their thoughts. Four would most likely be going over what they had encountered with Spock and Kirk, Jim Kirk just looked so totally lost and hurt. As soon as Kirk saw him he started to stand but stopped when McCoy raised his hand, "Scotty, can we see you for a minute?"

The Chief Engineer had been thinking of how he had seen the way Spock thought of him as a friend and a highly skilled engineer who could show Vulcan engineers how to think of new ways to deal with situations when none of the usual equipment or supplies are available. He also saw that the Vulcan would never admit aloud to others that he fully understood why he considered the engines of the Enterprise as his bairns. There was a flash of concern across the man's face as he stood, "Right with ye."

The first thing Scotty noticed was how the healer was not standing with Spock and yet Spock was obviously in distress as he was sightly shaking his head and repeating, "Not him. Need severance. Not him. Need severance." and without waiting the Scotsman walked over to the bed.

For only a brief moment did the Scotsman stand by the bed before he took his friend's head in his hands, briefly brushed the fringe back into place, and then placed one hand on Spock forehead and held one of Spock's hand in his, "Ye just relax, laddie. I'll help ye, Spock. I nae wanted ta leave ye before as I could feel you needed me but t'was not fair on the others. Now, can ye tell me what's the bother? Can ye do that without me touching minds?"

" **Scotty, help me**?"

Briefly the Chief Engineer looked over at McCoy and saw on his face that the doctor had heard it too and was also shocked. Never before had either of them heard their Vulcan friend sound so lost and unsure.

"Aye, lad." he gripped the hand in his, "I'm here to help ye."

"Need severance. Not him. Captain not Jim. **Need Jim gone**. Need severance. Please. **Need Jim gone.** Need severance."

"Now do ye nae think he should be the one ta ask for that? Now I may ask him for ye but tis nae the same as if you were ta ask. Ye must tell him why."

"You be here?"

"I'll be right here ta make sure he nae hurts ye."

"Need severance."

"Ye ask him direct for that, lad. Ask him direct."

"If you stay I will talk aloud with him and ask."

When Scotty looked at McCoy the doctor nodded back at him, as did the healer when he looked at him, "Like I said, I'll be right here with ye."

McCoy walked back into the other room and as Kirk looked up at him McCoy put a hand on his shoulder, "He will talk with you but Scotty has to be there. He still wants severance but at least Scotty got him to talk aloud and to be willing to talk with you. You have to let him lead. Understood?"

"He'll, he'll talk to me?" Kirk was aware of a feeling of relief and fear as he stood and followed McCoy. He had been so sure that his outburst had cost him the one friendship that had made him who he was on this ship with this crew, the one friend who knew him better than he knew himself. Over and over he kept hearing that tone in his voice as he said those angry words with so much venom, " _you are to stay the hell out of my private life._ " The last words Spock had heard from him were to stay out of his private life, yet it had been in those private off-duty times when he had needed that quiet, non-judgmental reassurance and acceptance he always found with Spock, those times he could stop being Captain James T. Kirk and just be Jim Kirk. If he granted Spock what he wanted all of that, and Spock himself, would be gone.

The healer stopped him from going into the Intensive Care Unit, "He maintains his desire to have severance, Captain Kirk. What has taken place here is most rare in that Spock is not only conscious and capable of logical thought but that he will speak. It is clear that he and Mister Scott are friends and what you said before is true, you are a family. While there has been significant improvement in his cognisance and speech Spock still desires a severance from you. He opened his eyes briefly but not for long. You must let him talk. You must say nothing unless he asks a question. Do you agree?"

Kirk looked at the man, wanting to say that he had so much to say but then new he had said too much on the Bridge. He had said words he had not meant. His words had put Spock through more than he should ever have had to experience. "Yes."

There was no mistaking the look Scotty had given him as he approached the bed, pleasure mixed with uncertainty.

"He's here, Spock."

* * *

 **A/N** Okay Kashkau, wuhkuh eh teretuhr. is not mine but Vulcan for "Our minds are joined together, as one." as per The Motion Picture. Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	9. Chapter 9

"Captain James T. Kirk, captain of the U.S.S. starship Enterprise, I, . . . First Officer Spock of the same ship, . . . request the Vulcan ritual . . . of severance be preformed. . . between us so that I am able to . . . comply with your last orders to me and that . . . I do stay the hell out . . . of your private life."

For a moment Kirk closed his eyes as it was Spock's voice as he had first met him. Cold. Distant. Precise. It was Spock as he had ordered him to be. An officer and nothing more. He also heard how talking was taxing him but that there was almost an urgency in his voice. When he opened his eyes he saw Scotty looking at him and saw the concern in the eyes that locked on his.

"Scotty?"

"Aye, I'm here, lad. So is the Captain."

"I did speak aloud, did I not?"

"Aye."

"Why has he not responded?"

Scotty was still looking at Kirk and then looked down at Spock even though he knew the Vulcan had his eyes closed. "He's in a mite of trouble on deciding if he is Jim or the Captain."

" **Need Jim gone**. Need severance from the Captain. **Need Jim forever gone**."

Gone forever. Kirk closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. He had hurt his friend too much, too deeply, with the last words he had said to him, said to him in front of the others. He took a deep breath, opened his eyes, and looked back down at Spock, "This is Captain Kirk, what to you mean by you want Jim gone forever and why do you need severance from me, Spock?"

"Sir, only with Jim gone and . . . a severance from you can I . . . be a proficient First Officer. I would be a First Officer who . . . did not cross into personal areas, . . . nor make comments not. . . related to the ship, and would adhere strictly to. . . the duties accorded to that position with . . . no off-duty fraternization . . . with other members of whatever crew I become a. . . new member of for I will . . . transfer off the Enterprise."

Talking was clearly tiring Spock as he was silent for a few minutes and Scotty shook his head when Kirk went to speak as the Chief Engineer had felt how his Vulcan friend had gripped his hand, had heard, as he was sure Kirk had, the strained breathing. "Ye just rest a minute, lad. We're all right here. Here now," he placed a straw between Spock's lips, "just a sip of two may help ye."

"Thank you, Scotty. Must finish . . . explaining to Captain Kirk." Kirk felt another pain as it was Captain Kirk, no long the Captain.

"It is most logical, Captain Kirk, as . . . with Jim gone and the severance from you . . . I will be better able to serve as . . . an officer for I will no longer have references . . . of anything but a working relationship with no emotional involvement. . . . It would also be advantageous . . . to you, Sir, as you would have . . . no recollection of me other than as a former crew member.. . Will you grant the severance or not?"

Kirk looked from Spock to Scotty and then to McCoy. Spock had used what he had said, had used his words. He had used the words that had hurt him to justify why he wanted the severance. A part of Kirk felt ashamed when he realized that Spock was also asking this for him and not just of him. Spock had thought things would be easier for him to not remember him as, as what? No friend would verbally attack another the way he had.

"This is most unusual," the healer all but whispered, "It has not been recorded that any have had this reaction. To maintain logical thought this long and communicate. It could be his dual genetics,"

"Or it could be a part of him is fighting to free you, Jim."

Fury flared in Kirk and he turned to stare at McCoy, "Just **what the hell do you mean by that?** "

"I mean Spock knows that he will be going back to a special facility on Vulcan no matter what happens here as those psychedelic and psychotropic drugs he inhaled for so long will have caused some sort damage to his mind. The readings both the healer and I have taken over this time have shown several anomalies. The healer knows it, I know it, and even a part of Spock knows it. He also knows the only way you will be able to go on, to function normally, will be to have **all** **events** to do with him, like what happened on the bridge, removed from you mind along with **all memories** of him other than as an officer on this ship."

" **No!** " Kirk shook his head as he looked at the healer who just nodded back at him, " **No!** Not Vulcan. He would be, he would be,"

"No matter where I go, Captain Kirk, I . . . will always be a **half-breed**. . . I am awaiting your decision."

Kirk wanted to lash out in anger, at him using that ugly term he himself had used in anger. "Okay." Kirk heard McCoy's shocked inhaled breath, "Okay, Spock, I **will** give you my decision but first you have to mind meld with me so you can see **the truth** about what happened, so you can,"

"There, there is **no need** , Captain Kirk, **I** . . . **was there** when you told me what . . . your thoughts were . . . are about me . . . I know what happened. . . Healer T'Tonan is skilled at performing a severance. . . . Severance is **only answer** for . . . **both of us** , Sir."

Damn him! Kirk swore to himself. His best friend was in a version of hell he could not imagine, a hell he had put him in, and yet his friend was still concerned about him.

"There **is a need** , Spock. **You need** to see the truth. **I need** to know that this severance is what you really want. I have never known you to make a final decision without knowing all the details, or at least all the available details. How can you make this decision without **all** the available details, without what you will find as the truth in my mind? If, after the meld and some time to think about what you find, you still want the severance I," Kirk closed his eyes and shook his head, "I will agree with it if Healer T'Tonan agrees it is what is best for you."

For a moment Spock was quiet then said, "Captain James T. Kirk, I agree. I need . . . assistance in placing my hands," relief mixed with worry filled Kirk as he moved to lean over the bed and place his hands in the familiar places while the healer took Spock's hands and placed the fingers of both hands in the correct positions. Dimly Kirk was aware of the familiar voice and knew it was both in his mind as well as outside him. "Our minds are melding, James Kirk. My thoughts to your thoughts . . . and your thoughts to my thoughts about . . . the agreed situation. Your memories . . . to my memories and my . . . memories to your memories . . . of the agreed situation."

Kirk was aware of the slow, almost fearfully hesitant, feeling he knew was the start of the meld, the slow merging of their minds, of their thoughts and memories getting ready to be gradually revealed to the other. He found himself wondering if the hesitancy of Spock's mind was the drugs or uncertainty or even fear of more rejection. He wondered if Spock was going to permit a full meld like those they had shared before or if what he had done had made his Vulcan friend wary of him. He heard the " _of the agreed situation_ " and hoped it would be enough to show his friend how wretched he had felt since seeing and hearing what he had done to him.

* * *

 **A/N** \- Hope those who celebrate Hanukkah had a good one and that those who celebrate Christmas have a good one. I will be back, hopefully, just before the new year. Thanks for reading - enjoy. HAVE FUN!


	10. Chapter 10

"Captain Kirk, you may show me what you feel you must."

Remembering how shattered Spock was Kirk tried to control his emotions as he went back to when he had first seen Officer Bennet. There had been almost an immediate attraction to the woman. She was not only intelligent but was very good looking. He had heard Spock whisper to him not to get involved but those hazel eyes and inviting smile seemed to erase all logic. Several times Spock had made reference to the allowances he had allowed her on the ship and she had commented to him when Spock had walked away that she was surprised he allowed his First Officer to speak like that, to questions his decision. Even over the quiet drinks and meals they had shared she had commented on the roles of a First Officer and how he was allowing his First Officer too much leeway and how his First Officer was too involved in his private life. He had trusted her and had felt comfortable around her.

It had bothered him that Spock had questioned him in front of her and when he had made the comment about her sitting in the command seat he had verbally lashed out. Only now, in the meld, did he see what the others had seen, he saw how his words shocked his Vulcan friend to his core. When Bones had let him hear the recording he had not seen Spock's reaction but this, this was almost more than he could bear. After his tirade they had not spoken. The one time they had been on the bridge together was just before the bombs exploded. He had returned from seeing Captain Kupe and Officer Bennet of the ship. Spock had been at his station and had started to leave when the explosion occurred. He could not recall the explosions only the pain. He had no real recollection till he woke up in Sickbay and McCoy had told him of the incident. He showed Spock how sure he was that the Vulcan had been in command of the ship, had been overseeing repairs. H had been so sure that he had not even asked. And then the anger he felt at himself and those who would not let him see Spock. Most of the anger was directed at himself. For Spock to ask for a severance, ask of all that they had to be removed from his mind, showed ow deeply he had hurt his best friend. He wondered how he could live knowing what he had done to the one being who meant more to him than his own life.

For a moment Jim Kirk found himself sitting totally numbed by what he had seen in the meld, what he had felt, what he had been made to remember, and knew he had shown Spock what he had to see and know.

Perhaps three minutes later, still with his fingers in the correct positions, Kirk felt his mind being slowly and carefully taken back to when he had first seen First Officer Bennet and Spock had told him not to get involved, he had seen how Spock had noticed the change in his breathing and posture that clearly indicated to him how his hormonal Human Captain was attracted to the woman. This was still just his thoughts although he had some faint echoes of the sensations Spock had felt. Then when Spock had voiced his concern about how he had allowed Bennet to freely walk about the ship which was something he had never done before and then when Spock had questioned him about letting her sit in the Command Chair and how almost violently he had reacted. He felt a very muted version of the hurt and betrayal that Spock had felt but would never admit to. He now realized all those cups of coffee and the meals she had brought to him had been laced with the drugs McCoy found in his system, drugs that driven him to say what he had. Neither he nor Spock knew of it at the time and he saw how Spock had gone about his role in a distant way, trying to shield himself against the hostile emotions he felt coming from his Captain.

The images he was seeing were his and Spock's for he saw how the three explosions on the Bridge had caused the injuries to the others and how Spock had taken them off the bridge then returned to carry him to Sickbay. How Spock had placed him on the table for McCoy before going to Engineering despite McCoy's protests that he needed attention. Saw and heard how he had ordered Scotty and the officers with him immediately leave Engineering and take command of the ship from auxiliary as he found and defused all but two of the bombs Bennet had planted and had secured the doors from the inside and used his Vulcan strength to move items and equipment so that the blast was better contained and limited to extent of damage to the ship. He sensed how Spock's last conscious thought had been that he had saved Jim and his shipmates, that Jim was safe and the others would help him. There had been a flash of staggering physical pain when the bombs exploded. Then noting but physical and mental pain. An vague awareness of Scotty awkwardly carrying him to Sickbay. After that just confusion and what he had said repeated, constantly repeated, "Y _ou are to stay the hell out of my private life._ " Spock knowing that the only way he could live would be to have that and all he thought of him as a friend removed, the severance. The deep mental agony of seeing Jim Kirk not as a friend but only as his commanding officer was too much. He could not, would not stay where he was constantly reminded of what was once the most important thing in his life, the friendship he shared with James Tiberius Kirk, was gone. He could no longer look at Captain James T. Kirk and not experience great pain. He could not think of James Kirk and not experience the pain of loss. He needed severance. Severance. " _You are to stay the hell out of my private life._ " Need severance. Need Jim gone forever. Severance. "You are to stay the hell out of my private life." Need severance. Need Jim gone forever. **Need** **severance**. **Need** **Jim** **gone** **forever**.

Need Jim gone forever. Kirk started to nod. Now he understood. He wished Spock could somehow understand and that all the gods knew how he would give anything not to have caused his friend so much pain. While so many times before he had said things to Spock that were derogatory in front of others there had always been that silent understanding they shared that had allowed for such actions but this, this had been different. All those other times he had given Spock an indication that he was not being serious but with what he had said to him on the bridge, it had been clear that it was what he felt and meant. He understood why Spock would seen severance from him and yet he could not, knew he would not grant the severance as, while his Vulcan friend may not want to remember what they meant to one another, what they mean to one another, he knew his life would have no meaning without him as he was. Was. Was.

Kirk found himself pulled away from Spock and saw Healer T'Tonan standing beside Spock who had curled into what Kirk realized was called a fetal position and just repeating, "Need severance. Need Jim gone forever. Need severance. Need Jim gone forever." in a desperate, almost pleading voice.

He felt two strong hands gripping his upper arms and turned to see two blue eyes seeming to bore into him, "Jim, what the hell just happened? It looked like you two had almost come to an agreement as you started to nod and then Spock started talking as he still is. Your and his readings went crazy, dangerously crazy. Do you realize what you have done? What happened?"

Kirk closed his eyes. He did not want to talk about what he had seen, what he was thinking. All he could do was shake his head.

McCoy actually shook him and yelled at him, " **Jim, what the hell have you done**? What did you do to him? Jim, **answer me**. What,"


	11. Chapter 11

"What he has done, Doctor McCoy, is drive Spock's mind further away, deeper into himself. I doubt if even our best healers could now reach him."

Kirk suddenly looked at the healer, "But he was aware in the meld, he was able to **show** me so much."

"And yet, even after most likely having been shown how impossible Spock would find living torn as he was, you, Captain Kirk, the one who had so often proclaimed to be his friend, refused him severance. Doctor McCoy and I both heard him explain to you how the severance would be best for the two of you and yet you denied him what he needed. Somehow he was cognizant enough to know that in order for both of you to live any sort of functional life he needed that severance as much as you did, Kirk."

"I, I did not want the severance. I did not want to lose the friend I knew and who knew me better than I know myself." Kirk looked back at Spock who was still in the fetal position, still repeatedly saying, "Need severance. Need Jim gone forever."

"Did he not tell you in the meld that you both needed the severance? Did he not tell you that it was more important for you than for him as he was aware of the damage to his mind caused by what he had inhaled? He should have told you,"

Anger briefly flared in Kirk, the healer was blaming Spock when it had been his decision not to have the severance. "We did not speak in the meld. I just saw what he saw, heard what he heard. We did not speak."

The healer shook his head for a moment then nodded, "With all I have been told I should have suspected it. He still had a connection with you that let him know that it was perhaps best to let you see what he had seen, feel what he had felt, rather than allow for the emotionalism words and speech so often reveals. He was perhaps aware of how often words can be tools or weapons. He would not have spoken of the logic of a severance, he would have let you decide. Also he most likely had been confused and thought you said you would agree to a severance after a meld. With you refusing it just plunged him deeper into the state he will forever remain in." For a moment the healer just stood looking between him and Spock then looked at McCoy and said, "If you gentlemen will excuse me I will make the necessary arrangements to have him permanently placed in a facility on Vulcan. They will need copies of your records on him."

McCoy had looked from the healer to Spock and then to Kirk before looking back at the healer, "I'll," Kirk saw how he briefly closed his eyes and shook his head before looking back at the healer, "I'll have them ready in time for his transfer. Where you are placing him is,"

"It is a most respected facility for those few who have shut themselves away as Spock has clearly done. He will be well cared for."

"Have they been able to help any of their patients regain,"

"I am sorry to interrupt, Doctor McCoy, but the special facility I am placing him in has had some success in that a small percentage of their patients do acknowledge their names and will look at the speaker but that is all. The patients are all very well cared for and even taken on walks, although it is not known if they even know they are walking around. The readings taken during such outings, however, do not vary sufficiently enough to be a true indications of that awareness."

 **"Now ye'll be nae taking him anywhere till they sort this out**." only then did the three suddenly become aware that Scotty had not left the room as the Engineer walked over to the bed Spock was curled on, and lightly put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze before taking his hand and holding it between his own two hands, "It's Scott, laddie. I'll knock sense into them if I need ta but they'll nae take ye without a fight. Ye just **relax**. I'll be right here."

All three saw the slight easing of tension in Spock, "That's the lad. Ye just relax. Now I may be wrong as I nae fully understand the Vulcan mind thing but ye once told me it t'was best if the two not only showed their thoughts but spoke, in their heads, in their words. Ye said that ye needed the words for the scenes to make sense."

Spock had calmed and gave a slight nod.

"And the Captain just said ye two did nae say a word only saw what the other did. Now, ye two are gonna **talk** ta one another." This time the start of a shake of his head, "Nae, the Captain is here and I'll nae let him harm ye but **the two of ye are gonna talk**. I know ye now know all he did to ye because of that lass but I'll wager a bottle of me finest he nae told ye how he would have killed the lass when he found out what she made him do."

For a moment there was silence as Scott looked at Kirk, McCoy, and then the healer who nodded, "Now, lad, I'll hold your wrists till you find where you link with the Captain and the healer will help the Captain and you two will talk in a meld. You two are worse than **two scrapping bairns** at the moment and **I'll nae put up with it**."

The healer moved back to stand by the bed and indicated to Kirk to do the same. McCoy just stood shaking his head as he watched, "Healer T'Tonan, is it even possible?"

"Many times over the ages such a thing between Vulcans has been attempted but to no avail. There is no need to fear for Captain Kirk's safety nor his sanity as with Spock in the state he is in the meld will not be that deep nor prolonged. Those that have been attempted lasted but a few standard minutes and failed for a variety of reasons leaving the patient as they were and the one who attempted the meld with a mild what you call headache that quickly passed."

"Then there is really nothing to be gained and Kirk is,"

Jim Kirk had been looking at Spock and sat very still as he saw his friend open his eyes and look at him. There was fear, pain, doubt, and a multitude of other feelings about them that Kirk had never seen before like this swirling cauldron: and there was also, the realization shocked him as he had so rarely seen such an expression on Spock, a silent plea also there. As he looked he saw Spock's lips move and he heard a very faint he heard, "Jim, words."

He nodded and was beside the table looking down at Spock before McCoy and the healer seemed to realize what was happening. Very carefully he placed his fingers where the healer told him to and once Spock's fingers where in position both Scotty and the healer stood back with McCoy.

This time Kirk realized the meld was very different. Deeper and with more emotion and he heard Spock's voice, almost shaking with emotions, "Jim? I am sorry but I, I need the severance. I, I am having difficulty with emotions. I can no longer serve as your First Officer. I, I am too damaged."

"This whole thing is my fault Spock. I let myself get involved when you warned me. I let her walk around the ship on her own, I did not realize that she was drugging me."

"I should have, have noticed that, Jim. It was my duty, duty as a First Officer and, more importantly, as a, as your friend to notice such changes. You were attracted and,"

"And I trusted her more than you. Can you forgive me?"

"There is nothing to for,"

" **Don't** you dare even think that, Spock. What I said to you on the bridge, I, I could kill her for what she made me say to you. When I went and saw her she admitted she did it all because of me, of how I relied on you, of how I had ignored her so many years ago. You did nothing that I need to forgive. I am the one who wants, **needs** , your forgiveness."

"Jim, you need the severance, need more than I. I, I am damaged. I am **too damaged**. My physical damage is healing but, but I, I find great difficulty in remember, remembering even the most basic, simplest things related, related to my position. The fumes. I was aware of the fumes. On the bridge and in Engineering. Had to get crew safe. Had to secure the ship. Had Scott take charge. He, Scott, understood. Knew in Humans only head,, headaches but in Vulcans damage."

"The way you are recovering I am sure it will not be long before you are,"

"Please, Jim. We have no way of know, knowing how long, if at all, I will be as I was. Being hybrid, dual unknown factors. The severance will enable you, you need to remain the Captain. You do it with a new First,"

"Now you listen to me, Spock. You are my First Officer and I do not care how long it takes but you will fully recover. You are also my closest friend and I know together we will get you back to how you always were."

"Jim, you must be,"

"You were not about to say logical, were you? Surely by now you know I am not logical in any way when it comes to my friends."

Through the link Spock felt the guilt that Kirk was finding unbearable, "I also know you feel a, an unnecessary guilt for things, what you are not responsible for."

"And you, my Vulcan friend, incorrectly believe that by having the severance I will be content with a new First Officer." Through the link Kirk felt a twinge that let him know he was correct, "There is **no way** I could ever be the man, let alone the Captain, that I am without you with me, beside me. I will not have another First Officer. I will take a desk job but will never have another First Officer." There was such certainty and truth in Kirk's words that Spock had to control his breathing so as not to get lost in emotion.

"Jim, we must face proven facts. Fact, I am damaged and, and of little use on the ship. Fact, you need a Chief, Chief Science Officer and a new, new First Officer capable of the roles. Fact, there is no, knowing, no way of knowing if I will ever, ever fully recover and, and just how far I may recover. And, most importantly, is the fact you, James Tiberus Kirk, are meant to be, be a starship Captain."

"And let us not forget the fact that just this a few hours ago you were in great physical pain before we all allowed to see you. You cannot tell me that you did not fight your way,"

"Mister Scott, against my, my orders and wishes, took almost all my emotional and, and most of my physical pain from me. He insisted in doing so and, and with Healer T'Tanton left me, me little in the way of objecting." Kirk got the distinct sensation of Spock almost laughing as he recalled how Scott had just said what he was going to do and why. "He is, was most kind to do so and I, I trust that he had no ill-effects."

Kirk remembered how the Chief Engineer had walked out and been only too pleased to sit and drink the coffee Uhura had handed him, how tired he seemed but also how the coffee seemed to revive him. At the time he had thought it just the upset of seeing Spock as he was. He would have to talk with the man later, there was,

"Jim, he would not want you, you or the others to know. It is his way. It was only as Healer T'Tanton was easing, easing our minds apart, we had needed his assistance in the trans, transference of the pain, that he quickly said, said to say nothing to the others. You must not let him, him know you know, I know you will want to but for him, for me," Spock remembered but did not allow that one moment to show in the meld, the moment when Scott had started to leave but had stopped and looked back at him, how in that briefest of moments he somehow heard the Scotsman say, " _Thank ye, laddie, for saving me, ma ship. and all who sail on her._ "

"The others won't hear about it from me and I will be sure not to mention it to Scotty."

"You have gone, gone still and quiet, Jim. What troubles you?"

"How I am going to tell Healer T'Tanton **you will not be leaving the Enterprise** and then finding a way to explain to Command the reasons for the **temporary placement** of the two officers in your roles."

"I still believe that a severance,"

"Is a closed subject, Mister. We will work on getting you back to you now that you have accepted that I will never have another First Officer." Kirk looked at his Vulcan friend for a moment and through the link Spock could tell his was noticing how tired the Vulcan was. "Right now I think,"

"I will rest now, Jim. Even talk like this, this tires me. We will talk later."

"If you need me or anything you know,

"Later. I will sleep now, now for a few hours." from how vague Spock was Kirk knew he was still not himself but made no comment. The true extent of Spock's exhaustion and confusion was clear through the meld and Kirkk chided himself for not realizing it sooner.

"Rest now. Just know I will be back, we will talk more then, and you are going to get better. Rest now."

"Yes, my t'hy'la."

 _T'hy'la_ echoed in Kirk's mind as he eased from the meld. _T'hy'la_ echoed and with it came a strange peace and warmth. No Vulcan healer nor doctor as skilled as McCoy was going to take Spock from him. His friend would recover. Kirk knew it would take time as Spock was clearly having difficulties but he would recover.

He was aware of the healer looking at he as he took the cup of coffee that McCoy held out to him. When he looked at Scott the Engineer smiled and nodded, "Now I'll leave him ta you ta care for till I've checked Engineering. Got two new ones in there that amaze me they can breathe without being told how. At least they'll nae be with us when we leave. Some of me own crew have made excuses to nae have to work with them. I have them going over the before and after of the refit ta find seven dozen changes that were needed."

"Seven dozed? Were there that many?" Kirk was surprised as he had not thought the damage so extensive

"Aye, seven dozen when ye take into account each point that must be fused, every chip of paint that must be covered." Scott smiled as he looked at Kirk and Kirk saw the mischievous side of the man dance across his face, "But I imagine the two will still be trying to find out what twelve times seven is."

"They cannot be that bad, Scotty." McCoy tried not to laugh.

"Ah, man, they nae even know how many inches in a hand. Makes me wonder if they still have on their nappies. I'll check in on the lad later."

Both McCoy and Kirk saw the bewilderment on the face of the healer, "Our Chief Engineer does not, as they say, suffer fools lightly, and tends to test the ability of even those first year cadets that we presently have for a few days. Many either rethink their career choice or take on the challenge. As to calling Spock lad, it is just something he does as he is not only one of the more officers in experience but also in age." Kirk found himself smiling, "I have to admit that there have the times when he has called me lad or laddie. He has great respect for his fellow officers but I think you'll find he and Spock have a very deep respect for one another because they are both annoying near perfectionists when it comes to their work."

"It has been evident, from their first interaction, that there is a great understanding between them. The way that Mister Scott was able to reach into Spock when we had failed. I **must** speak with him before I make my report as what he has done has never been recorded in such cases or any case involving Human and Vulcan relationships. As I will still be here for another three days before I must make my final decision as to future care of Spock I trust I will be allowed time with Miser Scott."

"Your, your **final decision** as to Spock's future care? I, I would have thought what you, what we just saw would," Kirk half-stood as though to challenge the healer and slowly sat down. Procedure. Must follow procedure. They were at a Starbase and Command could and would side with Healer T'Tanton.

"While being able to maintain a meld for so long showed most remarkable progress has been made can you honestly say that his communication was flawless? Can you honestly say that he spoke with no long pauses and that at no time did he repeat words?"

When Kirk remained silent the healer nodded, " **I will reassess him in three days**. This is a most interesting study, Captain Kirk. While I still believe that Spock will need to be placed in a special facility when I first evaluated him I believed he would forever be totally vegetative. I now see that he will fit in well at the facility I had selected as they have a unit that will provide him with mildly challenging mental activities. When I assess him in three days I will have a better approximation of how his further progress may go."

McCoy looked from the subject of their discussion, having satisfied himself that Spock was sleeping, "What if there is a substantial change for the better in Spock in those three days?"

"Please define what you mean by substantial, Doctor."

"Oh hell, **what if** he is able to have a fairly long complicated scientific conversation and debate one of the sides with that blasted Vulcan exactness?"

* * *

A/N Hope you all have a great 2016 and see as many of your hopes and dreams as possible became reality. This is much longer than usual as I will be away for about two weeks thanks to weather and medical matters. Enjoy. **HAVE FUN!**


	12. Chapter 12

"Doctor McCoy, that is most unlikely to,"

"Sir, over the years we have, on many occasions, worked closely together and whenever I thought that a situation was hopeless Spock has constantly reminded me that Vulcans believe that there are always possibilities. Now are you telling me that he has been lying to me about that all this time?"

"As I was saying, Doctor McCoy, it is most unlikely to happen but if it did occur I would want to know everything, and I do mean everything, that has taken place regarding Spock. It would be unique as this would be the first time such a recovery would have happened in the recorded medical history of Vulcan, and possibly in the entire Federation. The fumes he inhaled for so long have been proven to totally destroy portions of the brain in others."

"You said most unlikely. Now that needs a bit of translation. Does that mean that it catabolically will not happen or that there maybe one chance in a trillion that it could happen?" McCoy was in that pose that those who knew him knew he was not going to yield. "Also you have not stated what parts of the brain are destroyed as both Humans and Vulcans can live reasonable lives with a part of the brain destroyed." When McCoy rocked twice on his heels Kirk knew he was good and riled, "Plus you must know that in some way with those Human elements Spock's brain is unique and not like the others."

For a few minutes the two medical men stood looking at one another and Jim Kirk would have paid a great deal to know what was really being said in the exchange between the dark-eyed figure and the blue-eyes one. It was the healer who nodded first, "I had heard of your reputation, Doctor McCoy, for being one who thinks of his patients far more than all the others doctors in the Federation's listing of doctors. I had also heard how protective you were about the crew of this ship. While on the ship I have seen the closeness and deep feeling the seven main bridge crew have for one another and the very close bond that you, Captain Kirk and obviously Spock have. Although I do not expect any improvement in his condition I will return in three days for his final assessment before deciding which facility would suit him best. Should there be a substantial change, although he need not be up to taking an active part in a complicated scientific conversation and debate but able to meet basic Starfleet regulations with regard to mental fitness."

McCoy glanced at Spock for a moment then back at the man, and the two again looked at each other in silence before the healer said, "As I have stated, I do not expect any further improvement but what Spock told you is correct, there are always possibilities and with the changes that have clearly taken place since I first assessed him, I would find any further improvement worthy of study and possibly an indication of even further improvement. I would be appreciative of being informed of all actions taken in his treatment."

"We will see you in three day, then Healer T'Tanton, and I will ensure you are given copies of his full medical records."

"I will take my leave and return in three days."

Only after the healer had left was Kirk aware that not only Scotty but also Uhura, Sulu and Chekov were just in the other room, waiting.

"Three days." Uhura shook her head then looked Sulu, Chekov, and Scotty before she looked at McCoy, "I, I do not want to seem odd but the four of us were talking and we found all four of us have, way back in our families, people who were called witches, quacks, shamans, and naturopaths and some of their ways were passed on down through the families. Natural methods since at least the nineteen sixties and some from decades before that. We," she looked at the others, briefly at Kirk, then back a McCoy, "we would like to try what we have been told might help him."

"You were told?"

"We, we all got in touch with our families as soon as we heard about the fumes not being something Starfleet knew much about and were able to get several suggestions. All of them are organic in nature so would not cause,"

"Now you all know that Starfleet does not agree with such things," McCoy looked at Kirk and Kirk saw the uncertainty briefly on his friend's face, "They are so like the Vulcans in that whatever is done must have been proven to work." McCoy nodded then looked back at Uhura, "If what you have all been told has been used and passed down through the years they must work and we will try them. Well, don't just be standing there, go get it ready. We only have three days."

After they had gone Kirk walked over the McCoy and looked at him, "Bones, you do know that,"

"What I know, Jim, is that there is really nothing more I can do for him. He was right, wasn't he? There were repeated words and he had longer than usual pauses: almost like he was forgetting what he was saying, weren't there?"

"Yes, but,"

"No, Jim. No buts. In somebody like Spock those lapses are indications of damage to or disruption to the brain. Just what that damage or disruption is, is, at the moment, unknown. It is even worse if the sentences were short, like he had to pause every four to six words. For somebody with the vocabulary and linguistic skills he had if he were having to repeat a word that often or hesitated then," as McCoy looked at Kirk he saw the truth that he feared and put a hand on his friend's shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Jim."

Kirk closed his eyes as he heard what McCoy did not say: it was worse than they thought. Spock had been struggling, even in the meld. He felt McCoy give his shoulder another squeeze and nodded before he looked into the steady blue eyes he knew were studying him, "So, so that's why you are allowing them to try historic treatments?"

"Yes. I will admit that I am grasping at straws but I also thought about what I said. If what they are going to try are things that have been handed down through the ages there must be something to them. For generations before there was even the most elementary of prescriptions families would pass on ways of treating different ailments using what was locally at hand. Like how mothers and fathers used to pass on to their children family recipes and tools. They can not hurt or damage him further, Jim. Who knows, something from the twentieth century, or even further back than that, might just work for us, for Spock."

"But if it does work how will you know which one? You are going to have four most likely very different treatments and,"

"If, and that is a mighty big if, Jm, any of them work I would somehow figure it out once we got Spock fully back with us."

Kirk nodded and smiled, "I think you mean the two of you would figure it out as you just know he would want to know."

McCoy smiled back, it was good to see his Captain and friend at least smile again, "I do not know about what they might have but I am most curious about what Chekov comes back with."

"No doubt something that would cure a Cossack of a headache."

McCoy just nodded at Kirk's attempt at lightening what they were both concerned about. No matter what was mentioned somehow Chekov managed to mention how Russia had had a major positive role to play in it. At times he wondered if there was anybody with the dedication to a country and way of life that they had never really been a part that Chekov had.

The four walked back in together and only Uhura had a few things in her hands, and looked first at Kirk and then at McCoy, "We have had a discussion and agreed that I will start first as our treatments can all be related since they encompass almost the whole body. Mine deals with the feet and as soon as I have finished Checkov will administer his which is to do with the stomach, and hour after he finishes Scotty will treat his lungs and finally Sulu will treat his head. We will each do six treatments and see how he is in twenty-four hours. Between treatments we will be in our quarters, on duty, or here, Sir."

McCoy nodded at Kirk, "After six treatments we should see some change. If we do and it is of any significance I will allow them to continue if they are willing to."

"If the lad shows any sign of improvement ye'll nay get us ta stop, Doctor. If it helps the lad we'll nay stop till he is back with us."

As his looked at his officers Kirk saw the determination in them that he felt. He knew it would most likely not be as hard-set as his own but he saw this group, this family, set on brining back to full health this member. He did not want to think about what they had come up with but they clearly had it all sorted and had worked out a routine they would take.

Slowly Uhura walked up to the bed and lightly touched the side of Spock's face, "It's Uhura, Spock. I am going to warm your feet before I massage them and then wrap them and leave them in a warm oily herbal wrap. I will do this six times over a twenty-four hours. You can reprimand me later for touching you as I must."

They all watched as she went to the foot of the bed, moved the blanket away from Spock's feet and wrapped a warm cloth around both of them. She waited for a moment then, taking each foot in turn, massaged them from heel and slowly working towards his toes, putting more oil on her hands and she massaged each toe individually. When she had done both feet she carefully wrapped them in a warm moist cloth before wrapping a reflective blanket around them. She stood, went back to stand by the head of the bed, lightly touched Spock's hand, "I will be back in four hours. You rest."

Chekov stepped forward and put his hand on Spock's, "Sir, it is Chekov. I am going to give you old Russian drink that should help you. There is no meat in it but many spices and lightly blanched vegetation. You can reprimand me afterwards if it upsets your stomach but it should not do so. Doctor McCoy will help me give it to you. If it does not upset your stomach I come back and do it again."

McCoy nodded and helped Chekov get two cups of the rather thick liquid down Spock's throat. From what McCoy could tell by looking at it that it was largely some red onion and cabbage concoction and the aroma verified there was a variety of herbs and spices.

Scotty walked in with some thick padding in a liquid-proof container, a warming pad, and what McCoy recognized as nasal tubes and wondered what the padding had obviously been soaked with. "Now lad," Scotty slowly pulled the sheet away from Spock's chest and, with McCoy's help, exposed his chest, and placed the warming pad on him then the thick padding, "This is a tad warm but so it should be. Ye'll nay get drunk but the aroma will, if tradition is true, help ye get ta thinking right. Now this may not feel good but if ye keep still ye will be just dandy." Very slowly and carefully he started to insert the nasal tubes but McCoy took over and ensured Spock was breathing through them before Scotty put the other end two ends in two holes into the pad but not touching the pad, and covered it with a thermo blanket. "There, lad. Now ye just rest. I'll be back in a mite. The Captain and McCoy will be with ye."

Finally Sulu walked up to the bed, "Hello, Spock. I hope you do not mind but I am going to be giving you a traditional head massage. I will try to block my emotions so that you get the full benefit of the massage without being bombarded with my very Human emotions." Sulu went to the head of the bed and very slowly yet systematically started to slowly massage Spock's neck and shoulders then slowly started to massage the base of his skull.

When he finished Uhura returned and this time softly sang as she removed the bindings and again massaged Spock's feet. She also told him of all the news of what the crew was doing both in the stations as well as their social life, nothing personal, just the usual crew talk about what was going on.

Each of them did their treatments four times and when Sulu finished his fourth treatment McCoy had looked at him, "Now I am going to tell you what I told the others. We will let Spock sleep for up to eight hours at which time I will contract you four and the Captain and we will assess my findings then." McCoy looked briefly at Kirk who had, till then, refused to leave, "You can escort the Captain to his quarters for me as well so I do not have to make it a medical order."

Kirk had been about to protest but saw not only how Sulu was looking at him but also at the set look in the blue eyes that let him know McCoy would record it as a medical order. He briefly looked down at his sleeping friend then at the bank of registers and could not see any change then at McCoy, "If,"

"Go get some sleep, Jim. I'll let you know."

* * *

A/N Should get back and get the last two chapters done over the next two weeks. Hope 2016 is going great for all of you.


	13. Chapter 13

"I'll walk him to his quarters, Doctor. I'll make sure he goes directly there." the way Sulu said it let Kirk know that if need be Sulu would get Security to assist in getting him to his quarters.

At his quarters Kirk looked at his helmsman and said, "Sulu, what you and the others did for,"

Sulu shook his head, "He's not just your friend, Captain. We may not, we may never be as close as you two are but he is our friend as well and we will do what we can to help him. If you were to listen to the rest of the crew you would see there are a lot who would also want to help. Uhura is keeping the crew up-to-date on his status."

For a moment Kirk was going to say that he had not heard her doing so but stopped as he knew of the way she would get word got around and how those she told would ensure there was not change in the wording as it circulated.

"We best get some sleep, Sir, as Doctor McCoy will know if we, especially you, do not follow orders and we need to be ready to help Spock be it with more treatments or whatever else we can do."

Kirk nodded and went into his quarters. He paced for sixteen minutes then opened his door, McCoy was not going to keep him from Spock this time. Of all people on the ship McCoy should know he had to be with Spock now, that Spock would need him.

A young security officer stood across from his door and looked at him, "Please remain in your quarters, Captain. I have been ordered to ensure you remain in your quarters for a period of no less than seven point five hours. I have further been instructed to inform you that failure to do so will require a notification on your record to show you did not obey medical orders." The officer half-smiled, "You will find, Sir, that such orders have also be given with respect to officers Lieutenant Sulu, Lieutenant Uhura, Ensign Chekov, and Chief Engineer Scott and that there is a security officer ensuring they, also, follow medical orders. Have a nice rest."

Kirk nodded, "Thank you." and went into his quarters slowly shaking his head, Bones knew him too well. As he felt himself drifting off to sleep he knew that McCoy would be watching over Spock, he knew, as other did as well, that under all that constant badgering and needling he did to Spock there was also a lot of love and friendship felt towards his hobgoblin.

In Sickbay Doctor McCoy looked again at his readings and the test results and walked back to stand by the bed of his friend and Vulcan First Officer. There had been a slight improvement in the readings and the test results were more positive, but only slight. He let out a long breath as he looked at his friend, " **It is there** , Spock. There is an improvement showing, very slight but I'll be damned if it isn't there. I'll check it again in an hour to see if it is a real improvement. If there is **any improvement** , any at all, then **there is no way known to any species that you will be taken off this ship**. There is no way you will be taken from your family and placed who knows where with being who do not know you as I, as we do. No way at all." Carefully McCoy adjusted the sheet covering the Vulcan and briefly place a hand on his shoulder, "You just rest and let whatever is working in you work in you. You may have to undergo it all again a few times if it is working so rest up, my friend, I'll be close by." Before returning to his office McCoy looked at the monitors and was satisfied his friend would sleep a few more hours. He wanted to study the results again.

As McCoy studied the results and compared them with earlier results he realized that if that slight improvement continued at the rate it was it would take several more treatments to get the Vulcan back to within range of a good improvement, one that would see those mysterious Vulcan ways to come back as, as far as he could tell from the scans and reports, it was that basted Vulcan part of his mind that was mainly blocked. He then wondered about what the four had done and how it would have caused such a slight but lasting change. Uhura with her rubbing of his feet and singing, Chekov with some gawd knows what concoction, Scotty with those tubes that made Spock breathe some sort of slightly humid fumes, and Sulu with that head and neck massage. As he looked at what they had done and at the results he wondered what the connection was and why it seemed so, oh gawd he had to say it, logical that they started at the feet and worked upwards. He looked repeatedly at the analysis done of what was in both Chekov's and Scotty's treatments and could find nothing unusual. While the analysis told him what was used it did not tell him not how it was made so he knew he would have to speak with them and find out. It was a known fact that massage helped the muscles but McCoy waned to know more about the two types used on Spock as they had worked on more than just muscle relaxation. He rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes as he tried to think. The answer had to be right there.

Although Kirk had slept for seven hours they had been broken hours. He kept hearing what he had said to Spock while under the influence of the drugs and the way McCoy had briefly stopped after he had said, "if he were having to repeat a word that often or hesitated then," McCoy had not seen how Spock had struggled to talk, how it was clear his thinking was not at all how it usually was yet had known the truth from his silence. While he wanted to go to Spock he knew he had to go to the bridge to ensure things were fine with the ship first.

When he stepped outside his quarters the same security officer was still across from the door and nodded to him, "I hope you had a good sleep, Sir."

"Yes, thank you. Am I allowed to go to the bridge now, even though it has not been Doctor McCoy's seven and a half hours?"

A strange smile flashed across the man's face and he said, "Yes, Sir. I am not off duty and you are free to go."

For a moment as he walked to the turbolift he thought about that smile but was sure it was because both of them were breaking Doctor McCoy's orders by half an hour. Not many officers were eager or foolhardy enough to face the wrath of McCoy if he found out his orders were not followed. As he stepped onto the bridge he was, for a moment, surprised to see Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu at their stations talking with the officers who had been relieving for them. Now he understood the smile, clearly the other security officers had reported the same request from the others.

Steven Sanchez was standing by the command chair and looked at him, "Captain, I hand command back to you."

For a moment he wanted to point out there was no need to hand back command as he had never been given it to him and that they were at a Starbase and not in space, but realized Sanchez was just following basic training, he still had a lot to learn. He nodded as an acknowledgment and looked at Uhura, Sulu and Chekov and saw they were looking at him. Slowly Uhura stood and walked over to him, "We are to go down to the Transporter Room, meet up with Scotty, and report to Doctor McCoy." When he paused as a fear touched him he saw Uhura shake her head and slightly smiled, "He is still with us, Sir."

McCoy had awoken with a jolt, still at his desk. He went in and checked on Spock and was unaware he held his breath as he started to look at the latest readings. Not bothering to pause to consider the time or how long he and the others might have slept he quickly contacted Scotty. He could tell from how the Scotsman answered that he had been awake and McCoy wondered if he had slept at all. "It's McCoy, Scotty. I need you to bring the others down as soon as your seven point five hours are over."

"He,"

"He's still with us but I need you all down here."

"Twas nae fair having Security ensure we stayed in our quarters."

"Maybe not, Scotty, but I had to make sure you five at least would at least try to sleep."

"And what about yourself?"

"I," he looked over at his sleeping friend, "I got some sleep as I need to keep my head clear for the next few days."

"That healer is nae due back for two days. Is there any real change of,"

"Just get yourself and the others down here, Scotty."

* * *

A/N Hope you are all well - too hot here to even move at times. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Stay safe and HAVE FUN.


	14. Chapter 14

It was not until he was standing, with the others, looking at McCoy that Kirk vaguely remembered telling Sanchez just to keep an eye on things but that he would be back should an emergency arise. Just the thought of that man thinking he could be his First Officer was one Kirk did not want to have on so many levels.

McCoy looked steadily at each one, seeing the concern and knowing how they felt about their Vulcan friend. As he looked at them he realized that Spock was indeed thought of as a friend by all of them, that it really was not just James Kirk and himself who felt a kinship towards Spock. As he spoke he looked directly at Kirk, "There is a very, very slight improvement in his condition and it is for that reason I want the four to restart their treatments and for you to adjust their rosters for the next two days. We have two more days till Healer T'Tonan returns and decides if he can stay with us."

"No, Doctor McCoy," Uhura started and the others looked at her, Kirk ready to correct her as he was sure McCoy was correct. "According to the schedule Healer T'Tonan gave us we have fifty-three hours, that's possibly thirteen treatments from us if we keep our timing right."

"Now I," McCoy started.

"Excuse me, Doctor, but if we allow three hours for an hour for us to get ready and two one hour periods for you to check the results and we each work with him for only forty-five minutes that would be sixteen treatments." Sulu looked at the other three as though Kirk and McCoy did not exist, and both the excluded men knew the four were way ahead of them.

"Wendy Banning is a my station and is more than capable of being there while we are stationary. I could start now while you all get what you need prepared. I will fix a substitute oil from what is here but we have to get started." She only looked then at Kirk and he saw the determination on her face, "You do not object to amending our rosters, do you, Sir?"

"You do realize that your sleep patterns will," again McCoy started.

"Doctor," Chekov looked first at McCoy, "there is an old Russian saying that If the claw is stuck the whole bird is lost. Mister Spock's mind is stuck but we will not lose him. We can sleep later when he is better." he looked at Uhura, "While you work your magic I will go prepare what I will need."

"Aye, and I'll go and get,"

"Now just a minute," Kirk started and saw almost rebellion mixed with determination on the faces that turned to look at him, "I will arrange for your shifts to be covered but once this is over we will have a discussion about it."

"Yes, Sir." was said almost in unison before Uhura went into Sickbay's supply room and the other three all but sprinted out leaving Kirk and McCoy to look at each other in silent communication. They both knew that the seven of then were more than a command crew, they were a family. They had seen many time how when one was hurt or in trouble the others did all they possibly could to help, had been a part of that collective that often did not need words but fed of the actions of the others.

McCoy gave a slight nod, "If there is the slightest chance in not just hell but the entire known and unknown universes that Spock will get better and back to us you have to know those four will let nothing and nobody stop them from giving him that chance. I'll have to keep my eyes on them as they will have broken sleep for the next what was it, fifty-three hours?"

"I have to," Kirk stopped and looked at McCoy and grinned, "get Officer Sanchez to present me with a new roster of crew for the bridge."

"Jim, does he even know any of the crew? Does he know who is capable of being there?"

Kirk half-smiled in a way McCoy knew his friend knew what he was doing and he was enjoying it, "Bones, he's had what, say six weeks, to get to familiarize himself with the crew and their abilities. And, before you ask or comment, I am not comparing him with Spock. If he thinks he could be any sort of First Officer he has to learn what is expected of him and how to be prepared."

"You do realize that there is a crew of four hundred and thirty and he has only had six weeks to learn about them and the ship?"

"Bones, I do not think that even Spock knows all about each of the officers on the Enterprise individually but he does know the different areas and their complement and the abilities of the members of the crew. It is, after all, one of the duties of a First Officer, to remind the Captain of the personnel and their abilities, not their hobbies and interests."

McCoy smiled back, "You know, I bet that Spock would surprise you about what he knows about the interests and hobbies of the crew members. Oh, maybe not in any great detail but enough to make conversation if need be."

For a moment they were quiet a they watched Uhura walk from the Supply room to Spock's bed, gently place her hand on his as she said, "It is Uhura, Spock, I am about to massage your feet again and this time I will leave some socks on your feet till I come back. We all miss you on the Bridge, it just is not the same and won't be till you are there where you belong with us." and sat down and started to massage his feet as she had done before.

For a moment the two men just watched, each lost in the prayers to their gods that this worked then Kirk closed his eyes let out a breath he had not realized he had been holding, before he looked at McCoy and saw how intensely McCoy was watching Uhura.

"Bones?"

"An old, old, old system. Reflexology. This form is based on the feet representing the entire body. And before you ask I looked it up - old Earth ways where pressure to different part of the hand, feet, and head were believed to improve health." McCoy looked from Uhura working to Kirk, "And it seems it does work. Slight changes but there."

Kirk looked at McCoy and nodded, "So what Uhura is doing is similar to what Sulu is with his massage. But what about what Chekov and Scotty do? What have you found out about their methods?"

"Well Chekov's had a lot of cabbage like greens and the likes of kale and spinach which all have vitamin K, anthocyanins, lutein, folate and beta-carotene which have long been used for good mental health. Scotty's, Scotty's has very marginal alcohol and a blend of lavender and rosemary t0o further relax him and clear his mind. There is another substance in Scotty's that the Science Department is still trying to identify. They have come up with several possibilities but none of them fit into anything to do with medicine."

"You ask him yet?"

"Not yet. No doubt some old thing from Scotland that is as common as the Loch Ness Monster." McCoy shook his head. "I have not worked out which is worse, a stoic Vulcan or a Scotsman with more secrets and hidden talents than we can imagine."

"That's one of the reasons he is our miracle worker, Bones."

"Well, whatever he and the others are doing has shown a slight, a very, very slight improvement so it must be working on some level." McCoy studied his friend's face for a moment then said, "It is going to be a very long fifty-three hours, Jim. Not much you can do here."

"You have the latest meal records of those four?"

"Of course. I am keeping an eye on them. Nothing unusual. What,"

"I just want to make sure they are eating enough to help them get through what they have to do. Do you think only two hours of sleep between their sessions is,"

"Jim" McCoy was half-smiling as he shook his head, "do you really think they are going to worry about their sleep rotations when they know how Spock is and how important it is we prove to Healer T'Totan that this crew can do far more for him than any Vulcan hospital? Hell, you saw how surprised, for a Vulcan, he was when he saw the reaction of those four. What he really is not prepared for is the fight to get Spock back that those four will be doing in the next fifty-three hours. There's that old saying about nothing being stronger than the fury of a woman scorned but I would bet it pales when compared to the determination of those four to get Spock well enough to stay on the ship."

For a moment Kirk was quiet as he looked from the room that Spock was in to McCoy. Although he saw the answer in the eyes that were studying him Kirk asked the question he did not want to really know the answer to. "Bones, do you honestly believe that will happen or is it just what you want to happen?"

"Jim,"

Kirk held up his hand, "No. None of that." Kirk closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and then looked at McCoy and McCoy noticed the slight change even before Kirk spoke. "Doctor McCoy, is it your **medical** **opinion** that First Officer Spock will fully recover as a result of the non-traditional yet traditional methods being employed on him by non-medical personnel?"

* * *

A/N Finally a cool day with a bit of a breeze - only problem is do I write or get out and see what the heat yesterday did to the garden and try to revive nearly dehydrated plants? Take care, hope you enjoyed reading this and HAVE FUN.


	15. Chapter 15

There was a clear change, a change Kirk had not seen before in his friend, in how McCoy stood for a moment just looking at him. Looking at him almost as though he were a stranger yet also as though he was a hostile disbelieving patient. He then went to stand by the door into the Intensive Care unit and just looked in. It was in how still McCoy was that made Kirk uneasy. McCoy was just standing there looking in at Spock, his hand behind his back, but Kirk could tell that he was warring with an answer.

"Bones?" he said quietly, almost afraid of how McCoy would reply.

McCoy quickly turned and blue eyes glared at him, " **I am not Bones** , Captain James T. Kirk, **I am Doctor Leonard H. McCoy**. It is **my medical understanding** that First **Officer Spock should be sent to his home planet of Vulcan** where he will be put in a special isolated unit for the rest of his life. It is also **my medical understanding** , after reflecting on what Healer T'Totan stated, that **you must grant First Officer Spock the severance he requested** as soon as possible. Your failure to do so earlier clearly has had an averse effect on his mental state. Should you still refuse to grant him the severance before I sign his transfer papers I will make mention of your refusal to do so in his records so that future healers who may treat him fully understand why he is forever trapped in that shadow world. Mention will be noted on your records. It is also my,"

Kirk was stunned and slowly shook his head, "But, but he and I talked, through a meld,"

"For a time he was lucid and able to talk with each bridge member in a reasonable fashion, but his speech and thinking got more muddled, a reflection of the damage. You had a meld after which you acknowledged that he often repeated words, seemed to lose awareness of what he was talking about, and could not sustain the link. All signs of severe mental trauma in a Vulcan, trauma that could have been partly alleviated by your granting him the severance when he first asked for it. That severance would have,"

"Would have what? Did you not hear what the severance would mean for me, Doctor McCoy? It would remove all, all my memories of Spock as anything other than him being my First Officer. **I would have no memories of all of him as him**, no memories of all he had done with and for me, all we shared as two friends, all that he meant to me not as Captain Kirk but as me, as Jim. I would only remember that he was my First Officer but nothing else, nothing that makes him who he is and what he is to me. Do you know what that would do to me? Do you not realize that that would be **ripping out of me one of the most important relationship of my entire life**? Do you, as a doctor, not realize how it would have left me?"

McCoy all but stormed over to where Kirk sat, "I was going to say that, **as a doctor** , I can see that **that severance would have been the best thing for him**. But you stopped thinking about him, didn't you? Just listen to yourself. **You ask me to be a doctor** and when **I try to explain to you how the patient is** and their prognosis and best future treatment method **you try to turn it into a pity party**. You think I like the thought that with all the latest in technology and medicine that science can come up with I am relying on traditional medicine from at least the twentieth century? You think I like the idea of the severance and what it means to the two of you? You think **knowing that the best thing I can, as a doctor, do for my patient is to have him sent to some facility on Vulcan isn't killing the non-doctor part of me**? I do not have your luxury, Captain. As this ship's Chief Medical Officer it is my responsibility to think of the best for the patient. As that officer I must not allow myself to think of First Officer Spock as one of my closest friends but only as a patient."

For a moment McCoy was quiet and then shook his head as he took another step forward and placed a hand on Kirk's shoulder, "You asked if it is **my medical opinion** that Spock will fully recover as a result of the non-traditional yet traditional methods being employed on him by non-medical personnel and, strictly from a medical point, I would say no. Strictly **from both our medical and Vulcan known medical points of view he will not fully recover**."

Kirk felt the hand on his shoulder tighten and knew McCoy was right, he had thought of what he wanted and not what would be best for Spock. Spock had tried to explain it to him, explain to him why it was so important, why it was vital for his Vulcan side to continue yet all he could see was what it would mean to him. " **That's from the known medical facts** , Jim. **We** , however, **have three random elements not covered in any medical histories or records**." there was another squeeze, a more determined one and Kirk looked up, "It is those three elements that I am hoping will work and get him back for us."

Three elements. Kirk seized on the thought, "What three elements? How long have you known about them and not tried them? Are they ones in our," he started to stand but the hand on his should gripped again and when Kirk looked up he saw a smile on McCoy's face.

"Element one is the handed down through the generations cures that must have worked or they would not have been handed on, element two is that bridge crew who will not give up on him despite all the reasons and proof they have been given, and the third is that special element, that relationship between two beings from two very different backgrounds that formed a friendship that dares the known and unknown universes to part them."

"But Spock wanted a severance. **He did not want to remember me**."

"Oh, **get over yourself** , Jim. He wanted it as he did not want to hold you back, Jim."

"What's that supposed to mean? He would not have held me back."

"Wouldn't he? Can you honestly tell me you'd not be worrying about him? Do you expect me to believe you would not complain that your new First Officer was nothing like him? Have you even thought about what he did after you had called him out on the Bridge in front of the bridge crew, after you, you of all people, had called him a half-breed to save not just you and us but the ship for you? Do you not know that he knows, as I said before, that the only way you will be able to go on, to function normally as the Captain of this ship, will be to have all events to do with him, like what happened on the bridge, removed from you mind along with all memories of him other than as an officer on this ship? Dammit, Jim, he wanted, he wants that severance more for you than himself. "

Kirk remembered how furious he had been when he had first thought that Spock had turned his words against him earlier, how he had thought that no friend would attack him verbally as Spock had. He was trying to make him want the severance. He was trying to make him see how it would save his career as a starship Captain. Spock would have asked him what McCoy had just asked him. Momentarily he closed his eyes and again felt McCoy's hand grip his shoulder.

Slowly Kirk put his hand on McCoy's and nodded before he opened his eyes and looked at his friend and Chief Medical Officer, "Hadn't we best go check on how those other two elements are going now that you have reaffirmed the third element?"


	16. Chapter 16

As McCoy and Kirk started for the Intensive Care Unit Chekov was leaving but stopped and looked at McCoy, "I made a slightly different soup, only slightly, and he actually liked it, wanted more."

McCoy tilted his head, "He asked for more or you just think he would want more?"

"Oh no. Mister Spock, he asked for more. He said more in a way I know he wants more next time. I never liked it even though I was told how good it was for me. It is a good sign, isn't it?"

McCoy's grin was the answer before he said, "Yes, a very good sign. Do you think you could let me try some if it next time?"

"If you do not blame me if it makes you sick."

"Promise, Pavel. Now, go get some sleep."

When Kirk and McCoy entered the Intensive Care Unit Scotty was talking to Spock as he adjusted the tubes going into Spock's nose. "Aye, that's it, lad. Now the next time I come ta see ye I'll nae have this but the padding to put so ye smell it as I drip it onto the pad. Tis grand ta see ye can and do open ye eyes, though I am nay a sight ta behold but," Scotty paused as he became aware of McCoy and Kirk watching him, "Ye may like ta see somebody else here. Now wait," he motioned Kirk over to be by the bed, "Ye may like ta see this one."

Very slowly Spock's eyes opened and at first Kirk saw uncertainty and a touch of fear till Scotty said, "I nearly had ta put the best Security team about him ta keep him out."

It was a slow movement but Kirk saw it just as he heard the soft, "Jim." and he gripped the hand that was trying to reach out to him as he nodded.

"I'm right here, Spock." He wanted to hug the Vulcan to him when he felt the fingers try to grip his hand but he placed his hand over the long fingers and saw the slight nod before the eyes closed. "I'm right here. Bones and I had things to deal with but I'm back know and will stay with you if you will allow it." Another slight grip.

Kirk saw Scotty make a slight move and looked at him as the Engineer looked down at Spock, "Now that the Captain is here and will be with ye I best be getting back to check on me bairns . He knows what ta do. I'll be back to do this without the tubes. I know ye will like that better. Ye just rest as the Captain is here and will see nay harm comes to ye."

Spock gave a slight nod and Kirk saw how McCoy looked from Spock to him and then to Scotty, "Do not spent too much time with your bairns as I,"

"I'll just check that all is well then will get ma sleep. Tis good to know the lad is improving."

Sulu walked in and nodded to Kirk and McCoy before quickly walking over to the bed and lightly touching Spock's shoulder, "It's Sulu, Mister Spock. Scotty told me you had visitors. He also told me you were feeling better and your breathing was deeper and better. Think your visitor is helping you."

Although it was hardly a movement Kirk saw Spock give a slight nod and, when he looked at McCoy and Sulu, he saw them both nod, it was not just his imagination. Despite all that medical science said, despite all that Vulcan healer said, Spock was still with them. He was still with them and aware they were there and what they were saying.

"When you return to the Science Department, the Botanical Unit in particular, you will need so see how that rare Vulcan plant you have been nurturing is about to flower and those graphs you took from it have what appear to be the start of a root system, well they would be in other plants but I am not sure about a plant that needs as little water as that one does." Sulu had talked on and on about the different events in the Science labs as well as how he noticed the deeper muscles in Spock's neck not being so tight and that next time he would bring some special oils he would blend that would help even more.

Kirk was aware that the hand holding his was holding his hand, not just resting in it but actually holding it. Not firmly but there was an awareness there that it was holding his hand. He looked up at McCoy who he saw was looking between what Sulu was doing and him. "Bones?"

"Slight improvement in all readings and I take it he is holding your hand not just letting it rest on his?"

"Yes."

"Slight improved cognizant external awareness then. We have just over two days to get him to understand more to,"

"Mister Spock, I am not sure about one of your experiments. Should I give that Phormium cookianum the same liquids as the Linum usitatissimum for your study in flaxes? Squeeze the Captain's hand once for yes and twice for no."

For just an instant Kirk was going to protest then realized what Sulu was doing and closed his eyes as he remembered what the healer had said about "able to meet basic Starfleet regulations with regard to mental fitness". He felt a distinct grip on his hand followed by a second one.

"It is the Linum usitatissimum that gets the liquid?"

A distinct squeeze.

"Thank you, Sir. I get the flaxes mixed up."

Two squeezes.

"They are both flaxes, aren't they?"

Two squeezes.

"Wait, one is a type of lily, isn't it?"

One squeeze.

"The Linum,"

Two squeezes.

"I will have to do more study on them."

One squeeze.

"Thank you, Sir. I will study them later but now you need to rest a few minutes before Uhura returns. I will come back."

Two squeezes and then one.

As Sulu started to leave Kirk saw McCoy nod him into the office and saw a look about his face, "I've got to go see McCoy for a minute, Spock. I will be right back."

Two squeezes.

"Now I may just have to hand over to you how to get him to,"

Sulu shook his head, "We all agreed as soon as there was any mention of an improve we had to come up with a way to see how he was really doing. It was all I could think of at the time."

"I take it you knew the answers?"

"Oh yes, so when Mister Spock gets better I know he will be furious if he believes I did not know."

"Bones, does that show any,"

McCoy looked at him and gave a slight nod, "There was increased activity in areas of his brain that there had been little activity in since the accident. He was able to understand and answer the questions."

Then McCoy looked at Sulu, "I want you to go get some sleep. Do not worry about the plants. Can't have you four collapsing on me."

When he had first gone to the Bridge after Sulu's questioning Kirk noticed how Officer Steven Sanchez was trying too hard be act like a First Officer and there had been a moment when he saw relief on the faces of the other crew on the Bridge when he had gone there. It was clear that Sanchez was not accepted at all well yet his crew were doing their duty and it had not surprised him when Sanchez said there were no problem.

As he had walked by Officer Hanner who was reliving at Communications, Kirk paused as she had a hint of the aroma of the oils Uhura was using on Spock, and waited till she looked at him, "Sir?"

"Thank you for your work here and with Lieutenant Uhura away from here."

"Is he,"

"Mister Spock is doing as well as can be expected, thank you."

Officer Keith Williams had walked over to him and, with a nod of his head, motioned away from where Sanchez was standing, watching. Kirk moved and, for a moment, studied him, aware that he clearly had been helping Sulu as that oil Sulu was using had a most distinct aroma not as pungent as Uhura's but a distinct aroma all the same, "Is there any chance that Mister Spock will return to his roles, Sir?"

"At the moment that is still uncertain."

"I want you to know that should he be able to slowly work his way back to being the Chief Science Officer I will be more than willing to help him in any way I can. It is an honor **to fill in for him** but I doubt if there is a being alive who could do justice to his role let alone the additional role of your First. I am so **very privileged to work with him** as his main assistant but **this is his position** , Sir. Please let him know that if he needs help getting back to his high standards I will do all that I can."

"Thank you, I will. And thank you for assisting with the making of the oil being used on him."

"How do." he paused, sighed, "I do have a habit of not fully rinsing it all off as the First is not in favor of me not being at the Science Station. I mean we are **docked** yet he wants us all at our posts **all the time**. I never would leave it unattended, Sir, I,"

"I understand, and thank you.".

For the next twenty-nine point five one hours Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, and Scotty kept up their routines and Kirk seldom left Spock's side. He would briefly go to his quarters to freshen up, go to the bridge where, he realized it was most likely noticeable but knew he would get the true status, he would nod to Sanchez but go to Williams for the information he wanted. He would doze by Spock's side but keep hold of his hand and feel Spock holding his.

Both he and McCoy watched as the four seemed to be oblivious of them as they worked on Spock, slowly changing their routines and starting to move and flex Spock's arms and legs, asking him easy and complex questions, seeming to constantly challenge him mentally and physically. Only having worked for so many years with the four and being so close to McCoy let Kirk see the exhaustion they were not allowing themselves to acknowledge. As he watched them working he saw the real concern and care as well and the determination and he realized that this was truly a family. It was obvious that he was gradually getting improving but at what cost and would it be enough for Healer T'Tonan? Would it be enough for Spock?

He was just starting to consider what Spock would want should he not be up to the level Healer T'Tonan was expecting, to the level to keep him on the ship. And he was still wondering if Spock would even want to remain on the ship after his behavior when Scotty's voice came from the communicator. "Captain, I am bringing Healer T'Tonan to Sickbay. We will be there shortly."

"Understood and thank you, Scotty." he gave Spock's hand a squeeze, "He's here, Spock. If you want to stay with us you have to show him you do. I, we will understand if you do not want to stay. It is all up to you and Healer T'Tonan now."

For a moment Spock squeezed his hand back and opened his eyes as he said, "Jim, I," then obviously saw McCoy was there as he stopped.

"I'll be in my office getting your file up for Healer T'Tonan, Spock. You just lay still."

When McCoy had gone Spock opened his eyes again and looked at Kirk, "I, I now understand and wish to stay. I feel myself getting better. The Vulcan aspects of me are remembering my Vulcan training. What the others have done for me has helped my Human elements relearn." Kirk felt the hand holding his squeeze his hand, "Jim, I know now you were not yourself because of not only your human hormones but also because of her drugging you. Forgive me, I should have known."

Kirk squeezed the hand in his then placed his other hand over it and shook his head, as usual his Vulcan friend was trying to take all the blame, "There is **nothing for me to forgive,** Spock. It is you who I hope can forgive me for," the long fingers gripped his and for a moment they looked at one another and Kirk knew they were both thinking of how stupid they had been and how that special thing they shared had shown how strong it was.

"Before Healer T'Tonan gets here there is something you can do for me if you will, Jim."

"Name it."

"Hand me that robe and help me to stand."


	17. Chapter 17

Just for a moment did Kirk think of objecting but saw the determination and plea about his friend's face and gave his hand a squeeze. "I'll do that but first," he helped Spock sit on the side of the bed and quickly wiped his face with a damp cloth and combed his hair into place, "That's better. Now, are you sure you,"

"This time I would like to be standing to face Healer T'Tonan, Jim."

Seeing that his friend was fine just sitting on the side of the bed Kirk quickly fetched the robe and, holding his breath, helped him to stand. For a few moments Spock held onto his shoulders for support but then stood on his own and took two steps forward with Kirk taking two steps backward, watching for any sign his friend might fall. The two steps had not been as smooth as he usually walked but both men exchanged nods, physically he was able to stand and walk. As Spock had not been on his feet for seven weeks they both knew it would take time for him to manage more than a few steps at a time. They gradually added another step, then another, neither saying a word but nodding to one another after each step. Spock took one hand off Jim's shoulder and found he could take two steps on his own then took his other hand off Kirk's other shoulder so he stood on his own, paused for a moment then took a step, then another, then another.

There was no mistaking the momentary flash of a cauldron of surprise, disbelief and amazement on Healer T'Tonan's face when he walked into the room and saw Spock standing and walking unaided. Kirk also knew there was no way of missing the " _What-the-hell-do-you-two-think-you-are-doing_?" look that McCoy gave them.

Both Spock and Healer T'Tonan almost simultaneously held their hands up in greeting but it was Spock who spoke first, "Healer T'Tonan, I am grateful for the opportunity to thank you for your assistance."

"Spock, it is most pleasing to see you have made such a most remarkable recovery. Might I be informed as to how this was accomplished? When I was last here I believed that you would have to return to Vulcan and be taken care of for the rest of your life but there was a group of your shipmates who, to the individual, did not agree. May I ask if they are responsible for such an improvement?"

"Healer T'Tonan, you make one serious error which is understandable for Human emotions are involved. Those whom you called my shipmates are my friends. I cannot say if it is my Vulcan heritage or my Human heritage but to me it is actually an insult to them to call them friends for, if you exclude the necessity for any connection by bloodline, **they are truly my family**. For the three days that they were given to assist me before your final analysis of my condition and your decision as to where I belong, should I not be able to decide for myself, I was not aware of never being alone, one of them was always assisting me in my recovery."

For a moment the healer was quiet then he looked at McCoy, "Doctor McCoy, I was unaware that those officers I met were also medical officers."

"They are not but,"

" **You** you profess to be a doctor and yet you allowed personnel who are not qualified medical personnel to treat,"

It was clear even to Kirk that that response and the tone had stuck a nerve in not only McCoy from the way he slightly rocked on his heels but also from Spock from how he flexed his shoulders before he looked at Healer in almost a challenge, " Healer T'Tonan, **you WILL NOT speak to Doctor McCoy in that manner**. You do not know the facts behind the actions and you, in all probability, would not have even the slightest understanding of them. If memory serves, you were prepared to send me away to a place where you told Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy I would be tended to however you and I both know that while I would be cared for I would also be constantly studied and watched as I was as a child based solely because of my biology. Away from here I would have been little more than an object of study, just as I was then."

The healer looked at him in amazement, "You, you were aware of what was said?"

"Yes, although at the start there was just jumbled words and thoughts. As I have slowly recovered many of the things I heard and the sensations I experience have become clear. I believe it was Doctor McCoy who fount it necessary to remind you that the Human elements in my system make my brain different in many ways."

"You are aware that your recovery was highly unlikely, that there has been no record of one fully recovering from the exposure to,"

"I ask pardon, Healer T'Tonan, but none of the others who have been studied have had my biological makeup nor did they receive the kind of care I received."

"You remember the care?" it was clear what Spock was saying was of great surprise to both the healer and McCoy but McCoy was not showing it as much as the Vulcan which made Kirk smile. So many years around Spock must have had some impact on their friend. Kirk could tell from how McCoy glanced at him that to Healer T'Tonan nobody else ws there. "I **was** going to ask Doctor McCoy about it but you will be able to supply more of the information I seek. I did tell Doctor McCoy that I would like to be to be informed of what was done but you will be able to tell me what was done and what you experienced which will be of more importance and interest."

"I did hear that conversation and I believe that Doctor McCoy said that he would give you copies of my medical records. That should suffice."

"If you heard the conversation you will know I asked to talk with Mister Scott about your relationship with him and his treatment of your over the last three days."

There was just the slightest of movements about Spock's eyes that let Kirk know that his friend did not want that to happen. "I did hear you ask to speak with Mister Scott and I believe it only fitting that you know I believe you will find that when Mister Scott decides that something is personal and he does not want to talk about it there is no way he will talk about it. In that regard he is almost Vulcan."

"That understood, do you have any objection to my speaking with him and the others, then, about their relationship with you and their treatments."

"None whatsoever as long as you do so in the presence of Captain Kirk, myself, and Doctor McCoy. There are still aspects regarding my treatments I am uncertain about."

For a moment Healer T'Tonan looked at Spock and both Kirk and McCoy thought he would protest but he nodded, "It is only logical that all three of your be there."

"Doctor McCoy, will you ask the four of them to report here. Inform them that it is **not** an emergency and that Healer T'Tonan wishes to ask them a few questions about their methods of treatment used on me."

While he knew that Healer T'Tonan had not seen it, Spock saw how both Kirk and McCoy gave a slight nod. He knew Jim would think it right that they all be there and he could tell from the momentary way McCoy looked at him and the slight nod that he understood why he was to tell them about the questions. Spock could almost hear him saying, " _Why-you-cunning-little-Vulcan_."

"I'll do that now, Spock." Feeling sure that with that Vulcan hearing Healer T'Tonan might possibly hear what he said so he contacted Scotty, "Mister Scott, this is Doctor McCoy. Could you please get the other three involved with Mister Spock's care and come to Sickbay as Healer T'Tonan wants to ask you all some questions strictly about the treatments you used on him. He said to tell you it is not an emergency."

There was a moment's pause then came Scotty's voice, "Aye, I'll do that and we will be right with ye."

When McCoy re-entered the room he saw Spock's right eyebrow just marginally rise and a slight nod. Gawd, when did they start understanding one another so well that even such a slight movement conveyed so much?

When the four walked in Kirk noticed not only how they all looked like they were going before a review board as they were in fresh uniforms and in their professional modes but also their very pleased surprise at seeing Spock standing.

"I with to formally thank all four of you as a group for your administrations to me these last few daya and I will thank you all individually later for the great assistance you have given me in my recovery but at the moment Healer T'Tonan wishes to ask about your methods of treatment."

"Tis grand ta see ye upright, Mister Spock," Spock heard the warmth in the voice before the Chief Engineer changed it just slightly to add, "and I am sure we will be able to tell him what we can about your treatment."

"I would expect nothing less, Mister Scott. I do, however, suggest we adjourn to a Briefing Room."

As they walked into the Briefing Room Kirk saw a quick exchange of glances between Spock and the four and the slight nods that only one who had spent as long as he had observing this, this family would have noticed. So much was said in that moment. When he glanced at McCoy he saw a knowing look about the blue eyes. That confirmed it, this was a family. Sitting down he looked around and knew that this family would protect one another against any outsider, they had so many times before and would now, if need be, as will as in the future.

"Mister Scott, please tell me exactly what your treatment regime involved. I had seen how you were able to assist Spock deal with his pain how you were of assistance in reassuring him but I do have reason to believe your other ways of assisting him that I was not witness to were different."

Scotty looked at Spock and then at Healer T'Tonan. "Sir, my way of assisting Mister Spock t'was using the ways of my ancestors way before they had what we think of as medicine. I will tell ye I had Mister Spock inhale special vapors but that it was just a wee bit of what helped him as what the others did also helped him."

Healer T'Tonan clearly was studying Scotty as he asked, "But you and Mister Spock have a **special relationship** , do you not?"

* * *

A/N Thanks for reading. Hope you are enjoying it. Take care and HAVE FUN!


	18. Chapter 18

Only the slight movement of the little finger on the Chief Engineer's right hand gave any indication that he was only just in control of his emotions. He looked at Spock then directly at the healer, "Sir, if I were Mister Spock I would be asking ye just what kind of relationship ye were referring to. I would also be stating ye gave me insufficient information ta be able to answer ye. As it is right now are ye and I nay in a special relationship as we are in a state of being connected through conversation on a special topic, namely Mister Spock? So yes, I have a special relationship with Mister Spock as I do with every other member of the crew."

Spock found it difficult to not let the sensation of mirth that possessed him to show, his friends could not see the annoyance in Healer T'Tonan that he could see, they would not see how Mister Scott's display of linguistic dexterity had astonished the healer. For just a moment Spock saw the slight movement of Mister Scott's eyes, saw him give him just slightest of nods.

"You **do have a different special relationship** with him, Mister Scott. If you recall I saw and assisted you in taking his emotional pain. I saw a demonstration of a special relationship when, **before I could prevent you** , you also took a large percentage of his **physical pain** when I assisted you to form a mild meld with him. You were only to remove his emotional pain. When you took so much of his physical pain it proved to me the fact that **you do have a special relationship with him**."

A hardness was in Mister Scott's voice and reflected in the look he gave Healer T-Tonan, "As I told ye then, **he would have done it for me and I was nay about to fail to do the same for him**. If ye consider that a special relationship then aye, we have a special relationship. Now I nay know what special relationships are to Vulcans, nor to any other being, but to me a special relationship is when ye know the other would do for ye as ye does for them with nay question, hesitation, nor expectation and that's what I have with Mister Spock."

Spock looked at his friend, he had thought that Healer T'Tonan had allowed Mister Scott to take so much of his pain. To know that Mister Scott had done so when Healer T'Tonan was not going to allow it showed him the depth of friendship the man felt towards him. He almost smiled as it was the first time he could ever recall the Chief Engineer being so impassioned about anything but his bairns. Although he had long been aware of how the senior crew thought of one another he had never heard any of them, apart from McCoy and Kirk, speak like that. He closed his eyes for a moment, no Vulcan and possibly no other being had clearly ever spoken to Healer T'Tonan in that manner. The others would not have noticed it but the healer's breathing rate had changed.

"Will you tell me what was the main component in the mist you had him inhale?"

"Ahh, tis no secret. Tis a wee bit of Ben Nevis with a wee drop of drambuie on hot oatmeal. It clears the head but nay hangover. Now nay need to look like that as it clears the head but there is nay fear of hangover."

"Is there a formula or recipe for,"

" **Don't be daft, man**. Ye can tell when it is ready by the feel and smell. It depends on who needs it for what. Ye'd nay give a bairn the same as ye would a grown man. And do nay be asking how long it takes ta work or should the person be breathing it as tis up to the person breathing it."

"But the person's breathing cannot advise the doctor,"

For a moment Spock thought Mister Scott was going to overly react at how Healer T'Tonan was wanting so much information but saw how the man just put his hands flat on the table and looked at the healer, "Ye are a doctor, a healer, are ye not?"

"Yes, I am. I am one of Vulcan's leading specialists in not only Vulcan medicine but also in dual species medicine and have, for years, studied this case,"

The Chief Engineer shoo his head and looked at Spock then at the healer, "Ye say ye are a doctor yet ye ask an foolish question like that? Did ye nay learn to listen to the patient? Did ye nay learn to listen to how they breathe? And ye may be one of Vulcan's leading specialists but **Mister Spock is nay this case**, he is **my** friend and ye will nay speak of him as if he were while ye are on this ship. **I'm done**."

There was a distinct stillness as the Chief Engineer crossed his arms over his chest and sat back in his chair. From where he sat Kirk could see how Scott was gripping his upper arms as though trying to control some inner rage. When he quickly looked at the others he could tell they all felt the same and he saw a look of admiration and thanks about the eyes of his First Officer as he looked at the Scotsman.

"Very well," Healer T'Tonan looked at Uhura, "Officer Pavel Chekov, could you please tell me what your treatment consisted of?"

"A blend of highly spiced and herbed borscht, sauerkraut, and just a bit of vodka."

Spock looked at the young Navigator and saw him sheepishly grin, "It was not more than twelve drops, sir. I know Vulcans can not take too much alcohol but it is needed for this to work." Chekov then looked at the healer and Spock was sure the others heard how the young officer would not say more than he wanted to, "And before you ask, Sir, it is an even blend served as warm as the person can take it and it is not total liquid as the body needs some bulk."

"In other words it was just a hot vegetarian juice with a minimal amount of alcohol."

"Sir, it is a very old Russian thick medicinal soup. It was thick enough that I needed Doctor McCoy's help to get Mister Spock to swallow it. I should have had some beef in it but," the young navigator gave Spock a quick look, "I know that Mister Spock chooses not to eat meat so I did not add meat." Spock gave him a slight nod in appreciation as he knew how proud the young man was of his lineage and to have left out a part of a traditional meal would have seemed almost sacrilegious.

"Duly noted, now," Healer T'Tonan looked at Sulu, "Lieutenant Sulu, what was your method of treatment?"

"As with the others, Sir, what I did was from my heritage and was simply a neck and scalp massage. All the time I was going it I kept recalling all the things we had done together, all the projects he was having me watch, and just generally talking with him."

"Was he talking with you?" Healer T'Tonan looked shocked and Spock tried not to laugh as I realized the healer knew nothing about how most Humans was not precise when using their language.

"No."

"Then you were **not talking with him** but were, in fact, **talking at him**."

"With all due respect, Sir, I was talking with him as his breathing would every so often change and we sort of worked out a system of communication. I must agree with Mister Scott in that you clearly do not understand the importance of listening to how somebody breathes."

"Very well," Spock saw the others slightly move in their chairs as they also had noticed the change in Healer T'Tonan's voice. For a moment he saw Uhura look at him and slightly smile as the healer continued, "Lieutenant Uhura, could you please tell me what your treatment consisted of?"

"I just massaged his feet with a combination of warm essential oils infused with various herbs and I would sing to him songs over the ages and from different planets as I massaged his feet. I only know of one lullaby in Vulcan that his mother shared with me years ago."

"What was the practical purpose of your singing?"

"It not only reminded me of what I was doing and who I was doing it to but also was relaxing and I could occasionally hear his breathing change."

"Was there a specific way in which you massaged his feet and was it only his feet you massaged?"

"It was a massage I have vague memories of my great-aunt on my father's side doing to me as a child and there was no specific way of massaging the feet but it was the whole foot from ankle to the toes."

"Did you notice any changes in his cognizance at any time?"

"Not during any one session, no."

"You stated you as well noticed changes in his breathing. In what way did his breathing change?"

"I noticed it most when I changed songs or words in songs. His breathing would be more steady and smooth when I sang a familiar song, a bit deeper and steady with the slower songs, and deep and hesitant when I sang something new as though he were concentrating on the words."

"Was there any particular song that he indicated the most concentration with?"

Uhura looked at Spock and he saw the question on her face before he gave a slight nod, as with the others he was acutely aware she was unwilling to share anything he did not want known. "An old fun song based on a New Zealand Maori legend about a man sitting on a small hill and playing a nose flute to his lady love."

"I am unfamiliar with that song."

"It is not widely known. I have a friend in Starfleet, but not on a ship, who often finds songs for me. I will sing part of it but you must remember it is a fun song and about a place that was, at that time, the second to longest place-name on planet Earth. It was written about nineteen sixty-one and this is the first verse:

Oh the man on the hilltop playing his flute

Cooler than Goodman, boy he was beaut

And the thought that he though between each toot

Was 'Taumata whakatangi hangakoauau o **tamatea** turi pukakapiki **maunga** horo **nuku** pokai whenua kitanatahu'

"And you are saying he reacted to that? It is highly illogical."

"That might be why he did react, Sir, because it is illogical." Very slowly Uhura sat up and looked directly at the healer, "Scotty was right, you may have studied him and yet you did not know about his breathing nor the fact that Mister Spock, despite his adherence to logic, also has the ability to understand and appreciate fun. You were possibly studying him because **his mind is far more advanced than your own** for he can appreciate things beyond the realms of pure logic."

For a moment their was silence in the room then Healer T'Tonan looked at Kirk and Kirk saw the determination about the man he had seen when the man had given them the ultimatum about three days. There was no mistaking the man had done so as a ruse and would most likely still want to take Spock away. Of all there only McCoy seemed totally relaxed.

"Captain Kirk, I appreciate you having your senior crew here to give me the information they have. I still believe, especially after this event, that Spock should return to Vulcan for further study and care. You know that I will, if necessary, get in contact with his father who is,"

"By golly, thank you for reminding me, Sir." McCoy leaned forward to the communicator and pressed a button, "Officer Bamlow, please put through that party I asked for."

"Patching through now, Sir."

For a moment the healer looked at Kirk who was looking at the others, what was Bones up to?

As an image appeared on the screen McCoy said, "I apologize for keeping you waiting, Ambassador Sarek."

* * *

A/N 'Taumata whakatangi hangakoauau o **tamatea** turi pukakapiki **maunga** horo **nuku** pokai whenua kitanatahu' is in New Zealand near Porangahau in Hawke's Bay and is an unassuming hill known which translates into English as "the place where Tamatea, the man with the big knees, who slid, climbed and swallowed mountains, known as 'landeater', played his flute to his loved one." Locals simply call it Taumata Hill. Still very hot and humid. Five years ago since the major earthquake in Christchurch. Enjoy.


	19. Chapter 19

"It was of little inconvenience, Doctor. Am I correct that this is in relation to how Spock is doing? I have not had any reports from Healer T'Tonan other than his first one which indicated that Spock would not recover and we should prepare for him to be what you Humans would call institutionalized. We were becoming disquieted by the lack of information. As you will understand Amanda was most disturbed by not knowing."

"He is," McCoy looked at Spock and nodded his head, "improving by the day, Sir. In fact he is," Spock slowly stood where his father could see him and greeted his father in the Vulcan way and there was no mistaking the relief and pleasure in the older Vulcan.

"It is good to see you again, Father. You may tell Mother that there is no need for concern as my friends have taken great care of me under Doctor McCoy's guidance and instruction since the incident began."

"I, too, am pleased to see you have recovered as well as you have. I shall relay your message to your mother. Has Healer T'Tonan been of any assistance at all in your care and recovery?"

"I do not recall any real assistance from him. I believe that my recovery is due strictly to the unceasing great care and assistance I received from my friends, especially in the last three days when Healer T'Tonan **did not** come into Sickbay at all. He was a presence only."

A flicker of what Kirk knew was as far as a Vulcan would go to show anger in the presence of others crossed Sarek's face and Kirk realized more had been said between father and son than they heard. "Is he present at the moment?"

"I am here, Ambassador Sarek."

"How was it that you were able to make arrangements to have a special room in a special part of the science hospital prepared for the arrival of my son **without** once notifying myself or she who is my wife? You did notify us that you had arrived on the Enterprise and were in the process of analyzing your findings about his condition but that you held out little hope of any improvement and suggested we make arrangements to have him placed in that facility. I would like to know of your reasoning for **not** advising us as you assured us you would do on a regular basis in the presence of, if you recall, five other healers who have also attended to him over the years. It was **only your assurances** to she who is my wife that you would be in regular contact with us once you had arrived on the Enterprise that persuaded me to select you. We knew nothing of your plans to have our son sent back to Vulcan until we were asked by the Chief Administrator of the facility as when they might expect him. Your failure to do so has been noted and will be among the things I will mention tomorrow when I meet with the Vulcan Medical Council. You may have studied him as a child but you forget yourself, as he is no longer that child."

Spock was aware that he would have possibly have been the only one to have noticed the slight change in Healer T'Tonan's posture as well as his breathing when his father mentioned his assurance to them that he would keep in contact and his failure to do so. He was also aware of a momentary strange sensation of a immense satisfaction that not only was his father questioning Healer T'Tonan for his lack of action now as well as voicing his annoyance at how he had treated him as a child.

"Ambassador Sarek, I was able to perform a surface meld with him to find the true condition of his mind, **something that Humans cannot do**. During the meld I was awed by how it grown and I also saw he was becoming closer to certain Humans and I believed that the suggestion of a severance would be the best way to easier access his mind later."

An almost uncontrollable anger seemed to possess him and before he could stop the words or his actions Spock turned and glared at the healer, only Jim's touch stopped him from approaching the man, " **YOU** , **you made me think of it**. You knew I would consider it. You,"

" **It was necessary** for you to agree to a severance as it would complicate **my studies** if you had any connection to,"

" **KROYKAH**!" There was all Vulcan fury in Sarek's voice and, for a moment, Spock was pleased that his father was not in the room as he knew that, in that moment, his father would have killed Healer T'Tonan with his bare hands without hesitation. "We heard **nothing** from you despite you assuring us that we would be appraised of his condition on alternate days. Doctor McCoy was kind enough to, every five days since the incident occurred, let us know his condition and how, although there had been no vast improvement, they had not run out of **treatment methods that would not be found on Vulcan**. Doctor McCoy saying that let me know that he still believed that there may be a Human treatment. I believed that by "they" he meant a medical team. I am grateful that my son has such good friends who did not fail him as you, and many of the healers who used him a little more than an experiment, did."

"Ambassador Sarek, surely you must realize that **he is a unique study**. He is your son but he is,"

"Also a Starfleet officer and an individual in his own right. Using the meld to implant such a thought is **beyond unconscionable**. Such an action is against not only medical practice but also against Vulcan law. As soon as this communication ends I will contact the Vulcan Medical Council and inform them of your actions. I will ask Captain Kirk to restrict you to your quarters on the Enterprise and hold discussions about having the Enterprise transport you back to Vulcan to stand trial not only for malpractice but also procuring a service through false promises. It will also allow she who is my wife a chance to see that her son has not been harmed by your actions."

"But my studies, all those years of study, all my papers,""

"They will **all** be **discredited** for there is now question as to exactly how your results were really achieved, as to what your other patients experienced. I will,"

Spock could not remember ever seeing his father so close to losing control of his emotional control, "If I may, Father, I would ask that you tell Mother nothing of this. Just kindly inform her I am well and back to myself. You might tell her I have acquired a liking of other Earth foods."

There was six point seven seconds when Sarek and Spock looked at one another in the eyes and in that time Spock realized it was one of the very rare times when this father and this son were truly of one mind, and when both understood and appreciated what the other was doing and had done. Sarek nodded, "I shall inform your mother of that. She will no doubt question you about it when she is next in contact with you."

"I would expect nothing less from her as she does like to try other foods, a thing I had not realized could be not only fascinating but also be so beneficial to both mental and physical well-being. Could you also tell Mother I will contact her as soon as Doctor McCoy stops being what Humans refer to as a 'mother hen'."

As the others watched father and son almost acted as one as they raised their hands in farewell on there were no words exchanged, only the slightest of smiles and a nod of the head.

Almost immediately Sarek looked at Kirk and Kirk saw the man was back to being that Vulcan Ambassador he had met years before when all things Vulcan seemed so alien. "Captain Kirk, I trust you will have no objection if I ask for the Enterprise to transport T'Tonan back to Vulcan and offer you and the complement of your crew a three day stay at the special relaxation facility for Humans near to our home while you and those who cared for Spock stay at our home."

"No objection at all, Sir, and I am certain the crew would appreciate the time off. Three days leave off ship on rotation is just what they need. "

"Oh, there you misunderstand me, Captain." Kirk sat up and looked at the face on the screen. The man had said his crew could stay at the great facility close to their house that was designed to help Human crew members rest and relax. When he glanced at Spock he saw the slight arch in an eyebrow and suddenly wondered what the Ambassador had the influence within Starfleet to do with his ship and crew.

* * *

A/N Weather finally cooling down a bit - but then autumn starts this coming Tuesday. Enjoy, take care, and HAVE FUN!


	20. Chapter 20

For a moment Spock was going to protest but saw something he had only seen a few times when his father would give his mother the same look when he had some unusual plan in mind for how they would spend their time. "You misunderstand me, Captain as **I do expect something of them while here**. But before I continue could you ask your Security to please escort T'Tonan to his quartrs and ensure there is no way he can contact anybody not on the ship."

Kirk got T'Tonan taken out and then moved slightly, trying to think what the whole crew would be needed there for, "What would you expect of them, Sir?"

"Am I correct in believing that having them here doing nothing **would constitute leave** and the days **deducted from their annual leave**?"

"Yes, but I am sure,"

"Captain Kirk, what **I would expect of them** is for them **to relax and enjoy their time here** and at the end of their stay to fill out a form, using less than ten standard words, giving their overall thought of their stay. By filling out the forms they will not have been on leave but will have been taking part in what Humans call a **fact finding mission** as it will inform us as to the overall impression of the facility by the crew of a starship so that we will know how to improve it for those who will stay there." Kirk saw how the man looked at him and knew that, like Spock, he would be seeing how he was trying to not laugh out loud. "I would not have invited them to come and stay at the risk of losing leave time they could spend with their families after all they have done. They will have plenty of time to fill however they wish while here, they will have time away from the ship, and yet **not officially be on leave** as they will be **doing an assessment for the Vulcan Ambassador**. I trust you and ayour crew will find that acceptable."

"Yes," for a moment Kirk was surprised at Sarek's way of thinking to accommodate the leave as work so the days were not deducted as annual leave, " Yes, Sir. I am sure they will. Thank you."

"I look forward to meeting you again, Captain, and to personally thank your crew for that they have done for my son."

"We will be there in approximately twenty-seven days, Spock will contact you with a more exact time."

"I shall advise Amanda of that fact. I am in the process of sending my son a message he will want to see with one of the others with him, Captain. He should know that I was contacted **after the event** to confirm details requested" Sarek held up his hand,"Live long and prosper." and Kirk struggled to give the salute, seeing the start of a smile on the ambassador's face.

"Till then, Sir."

Once the screen was blank Kirk looked at his senior bridge crew one by one and knew that they had done so much for him, for Spock, and for themselves as he knew they all had differing degrees and levels of friendship with Spock that their actions and statements had clearly revealed. He had known of the friendship that McCoy had with Spock but had not fully realized just how deep the friendships were between the others and Spock. When he looked at McCoy he got a slight nod as he did when he looked at Spock.

"Well, at least we know where we will be staying when we get to Vulcan. I want to thank you four for how you helped McCoy treat Spock, I want to thank you, McCoy, for letting them take over, and I want to thank you, Spock, for fighting back to us." Kirk looked at each of them then closed his eyes, "I don't know about all of you but I am in serious need of some sleep so I am having the six of you off duty as well for the next twenty-four hours."

"I'll be along shortly to ensure you are not working, Jim." McCoy nodded at Kirk and looked at Spock, "And I will see you later about when you can be formally discharged from,"

"Doctor, I will spend approximately six minutes with the four assistants individually and will then go to my quarters where I shall rest for the remaining time stated by the Captain." For just a moment McCoy was going to protest but nodded. "I shall see you before I report for duty."

"Just make sure that your resting is not reading all the reports written since the explosion. Make sure you do actually rest your entire body and not just your physical one."

All McCoy got for a response was a raised eyebrow as Spock turned to look at the four still seated. "I would appreciate it if I could see you individually for approximately six minutes to discuss different aspects of your treatment of me as well as to personally thank you. I would also appreciate it if Mister Scott were the last to come in."

The four just exchanged looks as they left the briefing room then Chekov went back in and found Spock standing with his hands behind his back, "Sir?"

"Mister Chekov, I wish to not only personally thank you for your assistance in my recovery but also for adding to the range of Terrain foods I now have a better appreciation of. Although the way of being introduced to them was, to a degree, crude, they did prove to be most beneficial. Is it my understanding that they are traditional foods that you slightly changed?"

"I only changed them by **not adding the full amount of Vodka** I was told to use. I know Vulcans do not drink alcohol and yet it was quite common back then in Russia to use a large amount of it." Chekov smiled as he looked at Spock, "I remember getting very drunk on it the day I found out I was accepted for Starfleet."

"I would be pleased if you could note done the method used to prepare the food, I am sure to find it of interest and have no doubt my mother would find it most fascinating."

"I will do that as soon as I return to my quarters."

"Thank you, Pavel. That would be most kind I shall see you on the bridge in twenty-three point," he stopped and almost laughed when he saw a look he knew translated to " _Here-we-go-again-with- being-exact-down-to-the-last-decimal-place_." and just nodded, "I look forward to seeing you on the bridge at our next shift."

"Thank you, Sir. Sulu will be in next."

"It is good to see you are feeling better, Mister Spock."

"It is partly your doing, Mister Sulu, for which I wish to personally thank you for as the massage no doubt relieved the pressure on the various parts of my mind that the inhaled toxins had the greatest affect on."

"I did have vague recollections of my grandmother doing it to me a few times when I had severe headaches whenever I was studying for final testing in subjects I was not strong in or was getting too excited about even the remote possibility of flying a different craft."

"That, your piloting ability, is something I wish to ask you about. You are aware that there is a new pilot only medium range craft being finished at Starfleet Command that will need testing?"

"Yes, a rapid deployment ship for the delivery of urgently needed supplies and with no defensive capabilities. There were over a hundred and fifty applications that were accepted and all of those selected have been assessed. We were still disabled when," Sulu stopped as he did not want to think of the opportunity that the attack on the ship had cost him and at first he thought Spock had turned away and gone to the computer to avoid having to see his raw emotions. He saw the slight nod of the Vulcan's head as he stood from the computer, just turning off the screen but not the link, something he thought of as most unusual for him.

"If memory serves there was some contention about the applications as there was a clause that allowed for senior officers to make an applications on behalf for a junior officer providing they could give detailed reports of the junior officer's experience and character as it allowed for all Starfleet personnel to apply and not just those in close proximity to Command."

Sulu nodded, "Yes, there were a lot of pilots at Command who were furious that those of us already piloting craft should be allowed to apply. They seem to not realize how unique the craft is. At least next time we get there I will be able to see it."

"Please turn on the screen of the computer and read the first paragraph aloud to me. I am not sure but I am certain there is something wrong with the wording."

Sulu walked over and, thinking that he should tell Doctor McCoy about Spock not turning off the screen and not being certain about the use of words, started to read without really thinking about what he was reading, "After thoroughly reviewing all the material supplied to the Selection Committee by First Officer Spock we hereby announce that Officer Hikaru Sulu of the starship Enterprise will be the test pilot of," he stopped and looked at Spock who just looked back at him, "Sir?"

"I am somewhat puzzled, should it not be who supplied the information before who the receiver was?"

"I, I, I do not know what to say other than thank you so much."

"As soon as I heard that it was being designed I knew it would need to be tested and you are, as far as I am aware, the best to test such a craft as you would know how to test all its abilities and see what needed to be improved as well as what other applications the craft might have. I briefly discussed the matter with my father as I did not want those deciding on the candidate to be look more favorably or less favorably at the application by it coming from the ship and we agreed it should be from the non-ambassadorial computer at my parents' house under my mother's middle and maiden name. They would have contacted my father some eighteen days ago to confirm all the details and would have confirmed that I sent the application to them for forwarding. They would then have contacted him four days ago with the decision. I merely compiled all the necessary information to attest to your abilities with various craft. Please forward that to your own computer." Still no believing it Sulu finished reading the message before he sent it to his computer and closed the link. "Might I ask why you looked so concerned when I asked you to read?"

"I, I was afraid you may not have totally recovered. I was afraid that there might be,"

"Some lingering mental impairment?"

"Yes."

"I believe what you and the others did ensured that that was not going to happen. Your treatments were designed to be highly effective and, with the expertise with which the four of you applied your skills, they proved to be highly effective and left me with no mental impairment nor, once my digestive system had cleared itself of Chekov's potent but most effective food, any physical hindrances."

For a moment the two looked at one another, Sulu slowly realizing that Spock would have sent the information before applications were even asked for eight weeks ago when he would have had time to tell him of the application and Spock seeing the slow realization and acceptance on Sulu's face. This was a matter strictly between the two of them. Spock gave a nod, "I look forward to seeing you on the bridge at our next shift."

Uhura walked in and smiled as she saw her friend standing in his usual "at ease" pose clearly analytically watching her approach. For too long she had thought she would never see him like that again. "It is wonderful to see you looking so well, Mister Spock."

"I have you and the others to thank for that. I wish to thank you for your care and your ability of multitasking."

"Sir?" she had not been aware of multitasking, only massaging his feet.

"Your foot accupressure in conjunction with the massage and your singing. I only in the later stages became aware of how your singing was both making me listen and think while the work you were doing with my feet was having the desired effect on my internal organs."

"I tried to think of songs that might make you think as well as relax as well as to help me keep in rhythm with my hands."

"You sang many unfamiliar songs and one was somewhat comical about three icons of a country called Down Under."

Immediately she remembered the song., "You mean the one that goes

Rugby, racing and beer,

Rugby, racing and beer,

Down under they're mad over

Their rugby, racing, and beer."

"Yes. It seems to me that it and the one with the long place name are by the same songwriter as there is the same tempo and language."

"I believe they were, Sir. I can ask my friend as she is fastidious about finding out the whole history of a song."

"I would appreciate that."

"I better not linger as Scotty is pacing and muttering out there about," Uhuara smiled and tried her best to have a slight Scottish accent, "' _the lad already has thanked us by coming back ta us_.' and the three us agree. Seeing you fully recovered is more than we could have hoped for. Doctor McCoy had told us what those fumes you inhaled could do to Vulcans."

"And is why only eight point six percent of your songs were Vulcan in nature and then the same song?"

Again Uhura smiled, "As I told Healer T'Tonan, I only know that one Vulcan lullaby."

"Which you sang beautifully despite the difficulty some have with the Vulcan language. Once again thank you for your active assistance in my recovery. I look forward to seeing you on the bridge at our next shift."

"I also look forward to seeing you there. Just do not be too hard on Scotty. He was so close to striking Healer T'Tonan so many times, muttering something about him _'being as helpful as a bonfire on a traditional curling rink'_."

As Uhura left Spock momentarily closed his eyes trying not to smile at the mental image he had of the possibility of a bonfire on a traditional curling rink. When he opened his eyes the Scotsman was standing before him looking a bit uncomfortable and highly annoyed.

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A/N One chapter to go on this one. Tomorrow - if I do not melt away in this humidity - I should get it done. Take care, enjoy, and HAVE FUN.


	21. Chapter 21

"Begging ya pardon, Mister Spock, but **what tis this about**? Ye thanked us all afore by getting better and coming back ta us so there is nay need for all this. If you'll be excusing me I,"

" **Deliberately assaulted** Healer T'Tonan's mental barriers to take the amount of my physical paid that you did when he was only prepared to allow you to take my emotional distress.."

"I'd nay say I assaulted him, Sir. I just sensed that man did nay want me to take **any** of the pain and **that is nay a Healer ta me**. I nay assaulted him, I just gave that barrier **a wee shove so I could help ye** better as **I did not believe he would help ye** as he said he was going to. I asked him before if I could take the pain and he thought I would only take the emotional pain but I know how often physical pain is linked to emotional pain and when I asked ye if I could take your pain I'm sure **I said all** and ye said I could. He let me take the emotional pain and tried to stop me taking all your physical pain but I nay assaulted him nor did I get all the physical pain. I am sorry,"

Spock held up his hand, "There is absolutely no reason for you to apologize, Mister Scott. Without you doing what you did I am certain all the extra care I was given by the others would not have worked and I would be sent back to Vulcan. I did not at first realize the amount of my physical pain that you had taken but was aware that T'Tonan was not wanting me to have any physical relief. For you to have taken so much,"

"As I said before, **ye would do the same for us**. And as I told ye then, a wee nip or two when I was back in ma quarters twas all I needed."

"A wee nip?"

"Aye, a wee nip, twas nay a full bottle but did the trick in a hot toddy or two. Right as rain the next day."

"If memory serves the last time you had three of those drinks Captain Kirk insisted you stay in your quarters until the full effects of the alcohol had worn off."

"Aye, but this time I only had two as the bottle was nay full. When I woke I t'was a tad slow but in no pain and ye was recovering so," the Scotsman paused and looked right into his eyes and Spock saw the truth there, "we'll say nay more about it."

For a moment the deep respect and caring that he had seen in the Engineer's eyes, caring and respect that had been shown by him breaking T'Tonan's barrier to his physical pain, stunned Spock. He had seen similar looks in the eyes of the others and knew that they would have tried the same thing.

"I will be most interested in reading your latest reports on the repairs to Engineering and how the new personnel are doing. From what I surmised from what you were saying while giving me that inhalation is that are some younger crewmen who need more time on practical work yet do not think they need it and they were still not all that willing to be cooperative. Perhaps if I were to visit a few times at random and question them,"

"Aye, that would be the ticket. There's also a lad,"

"The young officer, I believe you called him Kelpie. As I was getting you out of Engineering he threw over me his non-regulation genuine leatherjacket that, as it was draped on me, gave my face and neck enough protection from the shards of metal in the blast and acted as a bit of a puffer so I did not breathe in as much of the fumes as I would have otherwise have done. I will see him,"

"Only if you make a trip to Balladonia, in Australia on Earth. Family tradition going back over the generations where the eldest or only son, after some sort of military or quasi-military service, as some think of Starfleet, go back to run the station." The Engineer saw a look he knew was the First Officer trying to work out what was meant, "Oh, a station is a very, very, very big farm. He asked ta be called Kelpie as he would run all the time, was a keen observer, a quick learner, and said their best farm dogs were Kelpies and had the same attributes. Afore he left he saw ye twice and when he got back to his home he sent me some Ben Nevis which he said I was to only open it if ye and I t'were to share in celebration when ye recovered, even if ye only have a nip."

As Scotty knew that Vulcans did not drink he had resigned himself to not having any of such a fine bottle. His friend looked at him, smiled, "I shall look forward to that, Mister Scott. I will make sure that I have just a nip which, if memory serves, is only thirty milliliters."

"Aye, that will be grand, lad. Now, if ye nay mind, I best get back down and check on by bairns before I get some sleep. Think the Captain t'was right. We do need that time to catch up on our sleep but we'd all do it agin for ye."

"I know, Mist Scott. Thank you and have a good sleep."

For a moment after the Chief Engineer had left and he stood alone in the room Spock tried to picture the officer in Engineering who had been a part of saving his life. He remembered a lean athletic youth with great engineering skills and an innate ability to make the most out of the least and was sure that he would have been an exceptional assistant to Mister Scott in getting the Enterprise safely back to Starbase Ten. He could understand family tradition as he had been nearly been trapped in one and still might, later in his life, be more accepting of it and represent Vulcan in a different way. Although he had not known the man Spock realized he had, in that moment that he had looked at the man when he had thrown his jacket over shoulders, that the man was trying to save him as he was saving them. He also realized that it was only the man puling at the Chief Engineer that got Mister Scott to leave while he secured to door. He had often seen the officer either wearing when off duty or carrying the jacket and now saw it as a way he kept in touch with his roots in a real way. Yes, he would have that nip with Mister Scott.

Spock started to go to his quarters but stopped. He knew the routine of the Captain and Chief Meidcal Officer only too well and went to his quarters and found something he had been saving for the completion of the shakedown after the refit. Now was the time for it and he knew where they would be.

It had not surprised either Kirk or McCoy when Spock waited for entry into Kirk's quarters but both were slightly surprised when he put a bottle of bourbon on the table. McCoy let out a long slow whistle, "That is hard stuff to come by Spock. Rare but the real thing."

"I had purchased it for you and Jim to enjoy after the shakedown flight following the refit and the modifications. I thought now would be a good time, if you two do not mind, to celebrate all that has transpired. The ship is ready to depart to Vulcan where the crew will be doing face finding work for the ambassador while the bridge crew relaxes. No doubt on route there will be some anomalies we will be able to investigate."

While Spock had been talking Kirk got three glasses and McCoy carefully poured two standard drinks and one short drink, what his Scottish friend would call a nip, then handed a glass to Kirk and one to Spock.

Kirk looked from McCoy to Spock and then at his glass. He wondered how many times over the years they had had moments like this, a moment to reflect on how close they came to losing what they had in so many ways. He found it comforting to know that no matter how they reacted toward each other when the pressure is on, what they said to one another in the heat of the moment, all would be understood and forgiven when they found a place of refuge. A part of him wondered what he had ever done to be fortunate to have these two special beings in his life.

McCoy looked at Kirk then at Spock before he looked at his glass. Some god somewhere had blessed him with two of the most contradictory yet complementary beings to support and care for him out here in the hind end of space. He knew he could go to them with a problem and get a thorough analysis of the problem from one and a multitude of solutions and a very unusual possible solution that could make the situation better or worse from the other. This time he had been too close to losing one of them he did not like to think about his life without that annoying walking computer.

Spock looked at McCoy and Kirk who both seemed to be studying their drinks. So many times he had been at conflict with one or the other of them, and at times both of them at the same time and they had been accepting of his Vulcan aspects. He had often seen both of them have some very irrational and illogical outbursts at and with one another when words were said that stemmed from an emotional hurt yet in the end they had always understood and supported each other. He knew that the two of them were the beings he needed in his life, they were who helped him the most to survive being on the ship, they were the two beings in the whole known universe who knew him as he was beneath the veneer image he had to project. Uhura, Sulu, Chekov, and Scott also knew him but not as well, not as in depth and thoroughly as these two.

McCoy raised his glass, "To the Enterprise and all who sail in her."

Spock raised his glass, "To those who start as fellow crew members and become family."

Kirk looked at Spock and McCoy then raised his glass, "My friends, to those who know and have too often seen the worst of and in us yet are still, somehow, our friends."

 **# # # FIN # # #**

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A/N Another one done - was going to wait till tomorrow but too hot and humid to sleep so far tonight so thought I would finish this. Hope you enjoyed it. Still so many to retype. Take care and HAVE FUN!


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